The other night I hooked up with a guy who insisted on wearing extra-large condoms on his medium-sized penis. I had heard about guys doing this before, but this was the first time I saw (and felt it) for myself. The rubber slipped off at least five or six times and I thought that the problem was solved, but found out that I was mistaken after I left a condom floating in the toilet after my sunrise pee. I’m kind of thinking that I need to go get some Plan B, but I don’t really know if his missized condom use could get me pregnant. Help?
Damn I thought a man in an ill-fitting suit was disturbing – but, a condom? Now that’s just wrong. His mama must have never taught him that, “If the glove doesn’t fit, don’t try to run up in pussy wearing it.” Before you start reading Ratha, get ye to the nearest Walgreens and purchase that emergency contraceptive. Because yes, his size denial could possibly land you in a Lamaze class in the next few months. Yeah, the good ol’ Plan Beezy costs about ten times more than the proper-sized condom, but it’s about a thousand times less than taking care of a baby for the next 18-25 years. Cough up that 40 bucks, because according to people smarter than me (and you, apparently) semen exposure due to condom slippage ups your chances of getting pregnant by about 20%. Luckily, the condom won’t be able to travel into your uterus, but it is possible for it to land in your formix (look it up, I only have a WikiDoctorate), and even more possible for you to overlook the fact that it’s still in your body. Look on the bright side, this time you avoided either a really embarrassing trip to your OB/GYN or a reeeally awkward moment between you, your roommate, and a flashlight.
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Some guys love to have those shiny gold and black Magnums (extra-large condoms) sitting on their nightstand, but few can actually walk/hump in those shoes/rubbers. Did he not notice the slippage? What did he say after the sixth one slid off? Questions I would love to have the answers to, and ones that he needs to ask himself. So you should either have a conversation with dude or find a fuck buddy whose penis doesn’t have a Napoleon complex. Better yet, the next time you hook up with this guy, show up to bed wearing a baggy thong and see how he feels about it. Wait, he may not notice. Wait, does he even know your name? Better yet, go find a dude that will shag you at night and won’t leave you shooting magnums out of your pussy in the morning.