Hello, Kitty
A few days ago, I went to my neighbor’s house to drop off a DVD I had borrowed, and now I really wish that I had called her first. I got there around 6:30ish and the lights were on, I could hear music playing, but after knocking for almost 10 minutes – still no answer. I figured that maybe her music was too loud, so I decided to go to a window thinking that it would be easier for her to hear me. I walked to the side of the house and started to knock on the window, and there she he was, naked. She wasn’t doing anything weird, just walking around, but I paused for a second and just as I was licking my lips (my mouth was dry, I swear!), she turned and saw me watching! She screamed and covered herself up, and I tried to give her the “It’s not what you think” motion with my arms, but she just kept screaming and ran out of the room. Now, shit is weird between us. Before this we were cool, I was even the guy that she called when she needed manly stuff done around her house, but lately she doesn’t even speak to me. We haven’t talked about what happened, and I really want to fix what I fucked up but I kinda get the feeling that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Help?
Nip P. Peep
Hey Mr. Peep,
So you turn an innocent attempt to drop off a DVD into a full-on peep show? Damn Nip, remind me to bring a roll of quarters with me the next time I ride with you to the Blockbuster. Don’t beat yourself up over this though, from what you tell me, this sounds like an embarrassing mistake between friends that a simple explanation should be able to fix. Try cornering your nudie neighbor while she’s walking in the house with a bag of groceries and say, “Hey girl, this wasn’t the first time I’ve seen your tittays and they aint all that, so stop trippin.’” Hopefully she’ll laugh – or slap you - and all will be cool in your little cul-de-sac again.
Or you can try explaining to her exactly what you told me, and in no time things will be back to normal. I have to be honest though, Mr. Peep. Women’s intuition is telling me that you may be leaving out a detail or two. Trust me, I love you for writing in and want to believe your story, but this shit sounds suspect. And the fact that she didn’t respond to you pounding on her front door for 10 minutes is a major red flag. So I’m thinking that what you called “licking your lips” was really more like full-on salivating, and that your “It’s not what you think” motions just might have consisted of your hand balled in a fist, jerking up and down on your bare penis. I’m trying hard to imagine that you unclogged her toilet once or twice, but I can’t help but thinking that the only type of “manly stuff” you ever did around her house consisted of moments like the one you described to me in this letter. If all this is true, methinks that you should just chalk this friendship up as a loss, get some counseling, and be glad that your neighbor hasn’t caught your peepin’ ass before this – that shit is a felony.
Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.
