LeBron, Wade and Udonis Publicly Recruit Peyton Manning, Also Beat the Hawks

After struggling for most of last night's game against the Atlanta Hawks, the Miami Heat finally decided to stop dicking around and began to hit their shots and play their anaconda-style defense just in time to comeback from as much as 10 points and beat Atlanta 89-86.

More importantly however, before and after the game, Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Udonis Haslem all publicly recruited Peyton Manning to come be the quarterback for the Miami Dolphins.

While D-Wade and Chris Bosh played the first three quarters like they had lost their contact lenses, LeBron carried the team with his ass-smashing play, finishing the night with 31 points and 11 rebounds for his seventeenth double-double of the season. Carry an entire team by yourself for three full quarters on offense and defense while your two co-stars are struggling with their offense? PFFFT.... IT ONLY COUNTS IF YOU HIT THE VERY LAST SHOT, YOU SEE.

With five minutes remaining in the third, the Heat found themselves down by 10. Then Atlanta's Zaza Pachulia did that thing where he acts like a total asshole and got into a skirmish with LeBron, which is idiotic because everyone knows that LeBron is a cobra dick-having badass who eats scrap metal and uranium for breakfast, and shits out ballistic missiles. The brief brouhaha seemed to be the catalyst for the Heat to start their comeback. 

Bosh, who started the game going 1-for-11, hit a couple of shots down the stretch and yelped like a pterodactyl with gusto. He only knocked down three shots all night, but his last two were Boshtastic!



Meanwhile D-Wade, who literally had shots go half way through the basket and then magically fly back out, couldn't get things going. But MV3 eventually got back to his face-kicking ways, and started hitting his shots. A key play came when he was caught too far under the basket and dished it to Udonis, who knocked down a 16-footer and put the Heat up because Udonis only hits that shot when WADE passes it to him! That's what makes Wade some much clutcher than LeBron! The same guy who missed it when LeBron passed it to him knocks it down when Wade does. Basketball Factz!!!! 

But the story of the night was Wade taking to the twitter machine and saying how awesome Peyton Manning would look in a Dolphins uniform.

After the game, Udonis, who grew up in South Florida and is a long suffering Fins fan like the rest of us said, "I'm thinking Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne. If we can work that out, we've got big Brandon Marshall, then we're on our way. We got a solid defense. So, if you all hear me, Peyton and Reggie, you know what I mean, wink, wink, make it happen."

In his post-game comments, LeBron also recruited Manning.


The Heat host the Indiana Pacers on Saturday. Tipoff is at 7:30. First we kick yo ass, then we take yo quarterback, Indiana!

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Chris Joseph