LeBron James Decides Heat's Nickname is "The Heatles," Unfortunately

Back when LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined Dwyane Wade down here in Miami there was a mini-obsession with finding the perfect nickname for them. There was talks of Miami Thrice, MV3, the James Gang, and even three-headed shitstorm. Though, we never really settled on anything, did we? Well, the King has spoken and the Heat will now be known as "The Heatles."

"I see we sell out 99.1 percent on the road, so we call ourselves the Heatles off the Beatles, so every time we take our show on the road we bring a great crowd,'' James said at a press conference.

When asked who was Lennon and who was McCartney, James replied, "`I knew that was going to be a question ...We're just the Heatles, man."

For the record, I think it's pretty obvious Wade is Lennon, James is McCartney, Udonis Haslem is George Harrison, Chris Bosh is Ringo, and Erik Spoelstra is Yoko Ono.

Anyway, the Heatles? Really? How punny. How slightly arrogant. How middle-aged white guy. We're still partial to the Onion's suggestion of Category 3 Hurricane Fuckface.

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Kyle Munzenrieder