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LeBron James Can't Even Praise His Coach Without Being Criticized

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It's well known that the majority of the mainstream media (re: all of them, pretty much) hate LeBron James and the Miami Heat. But mostly, they hate LeBron James. So much so that they've gone to great lengths to tell us all what a quitter, fraud, narcissist, asshole he is with every article.

All this because he chose to exercise his right to free agency on a terrible television show. If you wanna get mad at television shows, media, try The Bachelor. There was a broad on there the other day with fangs. FANGS!

Anyway, it now seems the LeBron Dick-Biting has gone Ludicrous Speed, thanks to FoxSports.com's Bill Reiter.

After a tumultuous November, the Heat turned things around in December. They won a crapload of games, including ten consecutive wins on the road, which had never been done before in NBA history. For this, coach Erik Spoelstra was named Eastern Conference Coach of the Month.

Naturally, the media wanted to know how LeBron felt about his coach's accomplishment. Naturally, they went apeshit with his response:

LeBron, a reporter asked, what are your thoughts on Erik Spoelstra being named Eastern Conference coach of the month for December?

Say how great it is, I thought. Say how much it means to you to see your coach get some respect. Talk about his defensive-mindedness, his passion for the game, his ability to help you guys succeed the way you have.

LeBron started strong.

For all of four words.

"I think it's great," he said.

This is where a public-relations person or a close friend should have jumped in and ended the interview while he was ahead, Costanza-style. He thinks it's great! Perfect! We're done!

Instead, LeBron kept going. Now his voice took on that tone of someone saying what they really think. The robot-answer was gone. This was truth.

You had to be there to hear it for what it was, to feel the full impact and rebuke of his words, so you'll have to trust me on what LeBron was actually saying.

"For the month of December we played the best basketball of any team in the league and he had a lot to do with it," he said. "As players, we went out and executed."

On this night, all the writers around me heard it the same way, even guys who often hear LeBron much differently than I do: LeBron making it clear that the credit was not Erik Spoelstra's.

Because human beings don't speak in italics, Reiter added the italics in LeBron's quotes for emphasis. What was he trying to emphasize? Merely that LEBRON JAMES IS THE MOST SELFISH HUMAN PERSON ALIVE!

Here's LeBron's quotes in full, sans italics:

"I think it's great. For the month of December we played the best basketball of any team in the league and he had a lot to do with it. As players, we went out and executed."

Innocuous, boring, and not in any way verbose or interesting in the least. He said he thought Spoelstra's accomplishment was great, reminded everyone how kick-assy they were in December, credited Spolestra for it, and then closed things out with telling us how the team then went out and executed Spo's direction with much success. One big happy bro hug for all.

But in the hands of a wordsmith and, apparently, mind-reader like Bill Reiter, LeBron James is the most selfish egomaniac to ever don a headband.

At this point, it's fair to say that no matter what LeBron James says or does, the media and dudes like Reiter are going to find someway to shoehorn their theories of James being a repugnant human being.

And don't be shocked when the dick-biting extends outside of basketball. Let's just start blaming every thing on LeBron James now.

The flock of birds suddenly dying midair in Arkansas?

LeBron James.

Those annoying-ass Hyundai Sonata hipster commercials played every two minutes on your television?

Totally LeBron James.

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