There is blood in the water, b*tches.
Unlike the snooze-fest of a first presidential debate, last night's vice presidential debate was political pugilism at its finest. And after a 90-minute bout, Laughin' Joe Biden edged out an exhausting win over blue-eyed Republican budget boy toy Paul Ryan.
Here's your ten-second breakdown:
- Paul Ryan is an even better bullsh*tter than Mitt Romney. Unlike Obama, however, Biden actually called him on it.
- Ryan had the pained expression of a man wearing a penis pump all night under the debate table.
- Biden's teeth appear to be made of marshmallows.
Overall, the VP debate was everything that the presidential face-off was not: feisty, well-moderated, and largely fact-driven.
ABC foreign correspondent Martha Raddatz did a good job pressing the candidates to clarify and explain their statements. Sadly, that didn't stop Ryan from spinning some seriously specious arguments.
Ryan began the debate strongly by blasting the Obama administration over the Benghazi consulate attack. But then he tried claiming that Congress -- not the Obama administration -- deserved credit for implementing tough sanctions on Iran.
That's like Norris Cole taking credit for carrying the Heat to the NBA title.
Biden was strongest when he simply called out Ryan's crap. He occasionally interrupted Ryan by saying "this is incredible" or "not true, not true." And he called many of the younger congressman's claims "malarkey."
Biden laughed, smiled, and waived his hands throughout the debate. His antics were so over-the-top that a "laughing Joe" Twitter account had more than 7,000 followers by night's end.
Ryan, on the other hand, showed less emotion than in his embarrassing workout photos. Like a P90X robot, he pressed Biden on numbers such as the 10 percent unemployment rate in Biden's hometown of Scranton, Pennsylvania.
But Biden battled back. An ABC poll named him the winner of the one and only VP debate, largely because of quotes like this one:
When [the financial crisis] occurred, what did Romney do? Romney said, "No, let Detroit go bankrupt." We moved in and helped people refinance their homes. Governor Romney said, "No, let foreclosures hit the bottom."
But it shouldn't be surprising for a guy who says 47 percent of the American people are unwilling to take responsibility for their own lives. My friend recently in a speech in Washington said "30 percent of the American people are takers."
These people are my mom and dad -- the people I grew up with, my neighbors. They pay more effective tax than Governor Romney pays in his federal income tax. They are elderly people who in fact are living off of social security. They are veterans and people fighting in Afghanistan right now who are, quote, "not paying any tax."
I've had it up to here with this notion that 47 percent -- it's about time they take some responsibility here. And instead of signing pledges to Grover Norquist not to ask the wealthiest among us to contribute to bring back the middle class, they should be signing a pledge saying to the middle class we're going to level the playing field; we're going to give you a fair shot again; we are going to not repeat the mistakes we made in the past by having a different set of rules for Wall Street and Main Street, making sure that we continue to hemorrhage these tax cuts for the superwealthy.
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If Obama can capture some of Laughin' Joe's mojo before the next debate on Tuesday, he just might keep his job.
But last night's debate shows that the Romney/Ryan campaign is dirty and disciplined -- a dangerous combo come November 6.