Sayre Berman

Last Night: Kathy Griffin at Seminole Hard Rock

Dear Kathy Griffin –- you dirty, skanky, goddamn, whore,

I am writing you this fan letter to commend you on starting out your show last night at the Seminole Hard Rock Live with the word "pussy." And not just a little pussy, a whole "bucket full of pussy." Thanks. I'm sure your gays appreciated that. But not as much as we all appreciated it when, mid-show, you shamelessly pushed the sale of your “Everybody Can Suck It!” boxer shorts. And then told Allah to suck it. You forgot to tell Ryan Seacrest to suck it, but that’s okay, she already does. How else can you explain that straight-up suck-fest Keeping Up With the Kardashians that you let us know Seacrest produces -- and your mother enjoys just as much as a box of wine.

And although you called out celebrities for claiming that “diet and pilates” is what gets them thin rather than coke and Red Bull -- coughcough Pam Anderson coughcough -- you, yourself were looking quite fit. And your hair, flat-ironed straight with blunt bangs, looked fabulous. Which is why I was surprised -- after you compared the Republican Convention to an episode of 90210 (Who’s Brenda Walsh? Mitt Romney?) -- when you said you liked Sara Palin’s hairdo. Really, Kathy? Don’t you think it’s kind of dated? A little like Lynne Spears? Wait, I’m sorry, that’s just the parenting skills.

All in all, your show was so good that during it, I found Jesus. Just like Paris Hilton did in prison. And Jesus told me to tell you that your show was hot.

Oh, and that we’re going to hell.

Xoxo from the Z-list,

Elyse Wanshel

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