Jungle Island's iPad Using Orangutans Mean Apes are Probably Taking Over the World Soon

Oh, sure, the story of orangutans at Miami's famed Jungle Island learning to use iPads may seem cute to you. "Ah, the monkeys think they're peoples!" But be wary, folks. We're pretty sure this is exactly how one of the Planet of the Apes movies started out. First the apes learned how to master Angry Birds. Then they learned to master the world. They don't think they're people. They think they're the better than us, and there's nothing cute about it. 

According to the AP, six orangutans at Jungle Island zoo are now using iPad programs that could help them to communicate: 
The software was originally designed for humans with autism and the screen displays pictures of various objects. A trainer then names one of the objects, and the ape presses the corresponding button.
Linda Jacobs, the head of the mental stimulus program at the zoo, says Orangutans are actually quite intelligent, but their communication with (and hence eventual domination over) humans is limited because they can't speak.

"They are sort of trapped in those bodies," she tells the AP. "They have the intelligence that they need to communicate, but they don't have the right equipment, because they don't have voice boxes or vocal cords. So this gives them a way to let us know what they know, what they are capable of, what they would like to have."

Though, the iPads do have drawbacks. The small screen is designed for human hands, and not those of apes for good reason, might we add. Steve Jobs always feared the eventual Ape-ocalypse). Plus trainers must hold the device lest the animal gets a little too excited and decides to chuck the $600 device against a rock or something. Though, sturdy cases and potentially modified screens are in the words. 

Based on no hard evidence other than what we've seen in Sci Fi movies, Riptide has to caution against such activities. Oh sure first the ape can point to a picture of an apple when you say "apple," but whats next? Beating humans at Words with Friends? Tagging us in unflattering Facebook pictures? Making snarky tweets about the people who come to see them?

  • @Swagrangutan1: Hot chick just broke up with her boyf in front of my habitat. Think I can get her digits? Once you go orange, you never go ...damn.
  • @Swagrangutan1: Thought I saw my long lost brother today. Turns out it was just a fat ginger who apparently doesn't own a razor. 
  • @Swagrangutan1: How many people are going to walk through this zoo today wearing crocs? And they think we're the animals. 
Oh, and its just a hop, skip and a jump from snarky tweets to full on world domination. Tread carefully Jungle Island. The fate of mankind depends on it. 

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Kyle Munzenrieder