The end of the year is a time of reflection around these parts. Specifically, it's a time to dig through our old police reports and find the most cretinous criminal offender in 2011.
Our first nominee, 20-year-old Samuel Lee Walker, is a top front-runner. He's a budding career criminal who took a shovel to a police dog. We're pretty well desensitized to human-on-human violence. But when an innocent butthole-sniffing little canine is attacked, it still makes our heart hurt.
In April, Rocco the cop dog was riding through Opa-Locka in a Miami-Dade Police squad car driven by his human partner when they spotted a dude carrying a red purse exiting a Buick Rendezvous and entering the passenger seat of a Chevy Cavalier.
Considering that everything in the second half of that last sentence is pretty much illegal, the officer flashed his siren. A chase ensued.
The Chevy slammed into a light pole and a stop sign. Three men bolted from the car. The driver--Sam Walker--hid inside a shed in somebody's back yard, with the man-and-dog police team following on foot.
Then, according to a police report, Walker burst from the shed swinging a shovel. It hit Rocco, who was still on a leash, on the leg.
That's when the officer released the dog, who promptly chomped down on Walker's right leg. The perp was taken into custody.
The Gucci purse was returned to the owner from whom it had been snatched. Rocco made a heroic recover and is no doubt right now having an adorably dumb epiphany involving squirrels.
Walker, despite his young age, is the Doogie Howser of crime. He's already been arrested eight times for charges including burglary, dealing in stolen property, battery, and evading police. (We couldn't reach him. His cell phone number, as listed on police documents, has been disconnected.)
His trial for the escapade begins next month. Somebody let him know he's been nominated-- and give Rocco a Milk-Bone.
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