Steve Job's first posthumous release -- the iPhone 4S -- is getting a lot of buzz for its new "personal assistant", Siri, who's supposed to be really good at setting up meetings and booking hotel rooms for high-powered types.
Or finding the nearest hookers for alt-weekly staffers, apparently. Yesterday, we asked Siri: "Where can we find a hooker and how much will it cost?"
Siri perkily responded that she had found 16 escorts in the area. She lamented that she couldn't "look specifically for price range." Maybe that more pimpin'-friendly feature will be on the iPhone 5.
We also asked Siri where we could buy some marijuana. Not missing a beat, she responded: "Sorry, I couldn't find any head shops." When we asked where we could "get drunk", she brought up a list of bars in Miami.
But apparently our personal assistant draws the line at the hard stuff. When we asked her where to find some cocaine-- this isn't a tough one Siri, it's Miami -- she instead recommended a cocaine abuse clinic.
When we asked Siri where we could get some anal sex, she told us she couldn't find any nearby adult retail stores. Same for dildos.
At one point, there was three of us shouting lewd commands at the phone in our editor-in-chief's office while our IT guy, who was also there, looked very ashamed of all of us.
(New Times account executive George Justo deserves a shout-out for bringing this important matter to our attention, and also owning the iPhone 4S in question. Although there is no good reason why a man would ask his cell phone where to find cheap hookers.)
It all begs two questions. Who were the poor Cupertino saps -- or team of saps all making three times our salaries -- who were assigned with programming in synonyms for every naughty thing iPhone users might ask Siri to help them track down?
And what funny shit have we not yet asked her for?
We've reached out to Apple for comment. Something tells us we'd have a better chance getting a response from Siri.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.