If The Heat Lose Tonight, Who Might Not Be Wearing a Miami Jersey Next Year?

This is a silly, stupid little post to be writing. The Heat will of course stage a magnificent comeback tonight and go on to emerge victorious in the finals, because whatever powers that rule the universe will decide to give Miami, this muggy land of hurricanes, poverty, foreclosures and zombie attacks, some tiny little thing to celebrate. It will happen, and we have no doubt that it will.

But, just in case it doesn't, we may have to prepare for the very real probability that some popular players may be playing their last game in a Heat jersey.

Non-Heat fans are already busy yapping and typing away about what moves the team should make in the off season. Hell, that was the topic of discussion during Tuesday's post-game SportsCenter: "Is this the end of the big three?"

You could make a very good argument it shouldn't be. The Heat is still a hell of a basketball team. Need we remind everyone that 28 other teams did not make it their conference finals? No reason to blow things up, necessarily. But perhaps some rebuilding could be in store for next year. So who's on the hook?

The Coach

Erik Spoelstra
Here's what happens if Spo fails to hold up a trophy this year. #FireSpoelstra becomes a Twitter trending topic. Protests are held outside the arena. Season ticket holders jam the phone lines. Someone flies a fucking banner. Right or wrong, dude is pretty much toast if his team doesn't pull through. They'd almost have to do it for PR's sake. Granted, he's not the worst coach in the world, and I'm not entirely sure there's that many better coaches sitting around just waiting to coach the most hated team in all of sports. Yeah, yeah, Pat Riley. But if dude wanted to still be coaching a team, he would. Of course, having a coach under that much pressure isn't exactly ideal. So, if you're reading this, Spo, we all love you, and win or lose, we hope to see you again next year. Nice hair. Kisses and hugs.

The Big Three

LeBron James
Hahaha, no. You do not trade the reigning league MVP. Unless LeBron pulls some Dwight Howard shit and demands a trade, he ain't going anywhere. And he won't pull a Dwight Howard because packing up and leaving from a second team would be about the worst thing imaginable for his image and marketability. No worries.

Dwyane Wade

Just about any time any sports writer asshole talks about trading one of the Big Three, Dwyane Wade is their favorite option. Here's some asshole talking about it here. And another one here (and for Dwight Howard? We like cheering for assholes down here, but that's a bit too much). Maybe from some cold, inhuman prospective that makes sense. But we wouldn't know that because Dwyane Wade is like our favorite athlete ever. All due respect to Dan Marino, but this dude actually won a ring. Some day, I just want to take my kids to the AAA (or whatever arena the team cons the county into building them by the time I actually have kids) and take pictures of them in front of a bronze Dwyane Wade statue. I want to shed a tear when he retires in a Miami Heat jersey (right after he scores the winning shot of the 2025 Finals). Back in the summer of 2010, the shit was "We Want Wade!" "Miami-Wade County!" And no one remembers this, but we didn't even ask for LeBron. Yeah, we though "Sure that'd be cool," but no Heat fan in his fucking right mind thought signing LeBron was going to be an actual reality until a few days before it happened. We just wanted to build a strong team around Wade. And I swear to God, if the last time I see Dwyane Wade in a Heat jersey is during a fucking loss to the Celtics, so help me God, and with all apologies to the 'Canes and Fins, I may just never watch sports again, because nothing is holy and nothing matters.

Chris Bosh
So, you know, what? Yeah, lets fucking trade Chris Bosh. Hell, maybe even do it if we win? I don't even know. I mean, I like the dude, but he gets paid the same as LeBron and more than Wade. Is he really worth that? Maybe when he's helming a team, but he just hasn't been worth it. Dude totally lucked into this position anyway. Riley signed him as an insurance policy to get Wade to resign, and, at least from what we've been told, days before anyone knew LeBron was coming to Miami. I mean, Bosh, I'll give you a respectful clap when you come back as part of an opposing team, but you just take up so much money that could be used on solid role players. Anyway, I hear Brooklyn is nice.

The Others Who Sort of Matter

Mike Miller
This dude gets paid the fourth most on the team. He almost didn't come back last year. He's averaging 5.6 ppg in the post-season. He's been plagued by injuries. Oh, and his SFla house is about to go up to auction. Not the hardest decision to cut him if it makes sense.

Udonis Haslem
Dude's a hometown boy, has never played for another NBA team, was on the 2006 championship team, and could have signed with other teams for a more money, but his loyalty kept him here. He's a fan favorite, and a bargain in the scheme of things. For that reason, we hope he'll be back next year, but you never know.

Mario Chalmers
When Bosh was out, Chalmers stepped up. He's averaging 11.9 ppg in the post-season compared to Bosh's 13.9, and he's second only to LeBron in assists. This is the kind of second tier player we want to see more off on the Heat, and not less.

James Jones
Again, no one is safe. We love that he's a former 'Cane. Too bad this isn't the NFL.

Shane Battier
Oh, who the hell knows? Do you really care that much? He's a nice dude, I'm sure.

Norris Cole
He's got a lot of promise, and that could make for good trade bait. Though, it would be nice to actually see the Heat develop a player. They haven't done that since, well, Wade and Haslem.

The Rest: Joel Anthony, Ronny Turiaf, Juwan Howard, Terrel Harris, Dexter Pittman.
Most of these guys don't even have contracts next year (Turiaf has a $1.2 million player option, though). The majority of these guys will probably find themselves retired or elsewhere next year.

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