4

I Smell a Rat

Watch out, he's got a gun!

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

I was grilling zucchini in my backyard, of a Saturday night, and having a damned fine time doing it. But then, the silhouette of a black rat rustled out of the bushes.

"I think I'm going to shoot it," I told my cousin, reaching for the pistol in my back pocket.

"What are you fucking nuts?" she cried. "Discharging a firearm?"

Hmm... this was a tough one. I hurled a rock in its general direction. Nothing. I jumped up and down like a lunatic and it rose up on its hind legs.

"It's threatening me," I shouted. "In my own backyard!" What good, indeed, is a firearm if you cannot dispatch a rat threatening you (and by extension, your zucchini) in your own home?

After some debate, I convinced my cousin I was right. But the rat had left. "Go ahead and shoot the thing," she said. "You're neighbors may not be happy, but they'll be impressed."

Officer O' Dell at the City of Miami Police Department did not agree. "A rat?" he cried over the telephone. "No sir, you cannot shoot a rat. What if you miss and shoot someone else? Plus, someone might hear the shot and call the police. And you will be arrested."

I am still not convinced.

Calvin Godfrey

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.