Hummer is Dead: A Sad Day for D-Bags

​Hummer, the gas-guzzling line of consumer SUVs that were almost as controversial as they were ugly, is dead. General Motors laid the money-losing brand to rest today after negotiations with a Chinese firm to sell the division fell through.

This is horrible news for Horatio Caine, limo drivers who specialize in clientele visiting from New Jersey, promotion-happy rap labels and radio stations, and South Beach's historic douche community.

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