| Columns |

Humiliating Loss to Baltimore Drops Dolphins Out of Playoff Spot

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Welp, it was fun while it lasted, but at some point you knew the Miami Dolphins would eventually have to put their pants back on. The Baltimore Ravens' 38-6 ass-humbling blowout of the Dolphins yesterday was that time. The party is over. Everyone, please help pick up these red Solo cups all over the lawn.

The Dolphins were having a blasty-blast these past six weeks. They hadn't lost a game since October 9. Fans, thinking this season might be different, had begun to flock back to the Dolphins' warm bosom. Adam Gase was a young Don Shula, and Ryan Tannehill was getting apology letters.

Then, this past Sunday in Baltimore, the Fins' season suddenly seemed like an Adele song again. Not one of the happy ones, either — one of those Adele burners where everything could have been awesome, but then you dumped her.

If there was one positive to take away from Sunday's beatdown, it's that the Ravens wasted little time kicking the Dolphins' entire ass. Ravens QB Joe Flacco went 27 for 34 for 258 yards and three scores over the first 30 minutes, and the Dolphins were down 24-0 like a Jimmy John's sandwich delivery — freaky-fast. Flacco ended up throwing for four touchdowns and 381 yards, while Tannehill went 29 for 40 for 226 yards and three interceptions.

Yup. That's pretty bad.

On the bright side, Dolphins fans on social media took the loss well. Just kidding! They didn't! Have you ever met a Dolphins fan? You should have known better.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.