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| Columns |

Humiliating Loss to Baltimore Drops Dolphins Out of Playoff Spot

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Welp, it was fun while it lasted, but at some point you knew the Miami Dolphins would eventually have to put their pants back on. The Baltimore Ravens' 38-6 ass-humbling blowout of the Dolphins yesterday was that time. The party is over. Everyone, please help pick up these red Solo cups all over the lawn.

The Dolphins were having a blasty-blast these past six weeks. They hadn't lost a game since October 9. Fans, thinking this season might be different, had begun to flock back to the Dolphins' warm bosom. Adam Gase was a young Don Shula, and Ryan Tannehill was getting apology letters.

Then, this past Sunday in Baltimore, the Fins' season suddenly seemed like an Adele song again. Not one of the happy ones, either — one of those Adele burners where everything could have been awesome, but then you dumped her.

If there was one positive to take away from Sunday's beatdown, it's that the Ravens wasted little time kicking the Dolphins' entire ass. Ravens QB Joe Flacco went 27 for 34 for 258 yards and three scores over the first 30 minutes, and the Dolphins were down 24-0 like a Jimmy John's sandwich delivery — freaky-fast. Flacco ended up throwing for four touchdowns and 381 yards, while Tannehill went 29 for 40 for 226 yards and three interceptions.

Yup. That's pretty bad.

On the bright side, Dolphins fans on social media took the loss well. Just kidding! They didn't! Have you ever met a Dolphins fan? You should have known better.

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