^
Keep New Times Free
4

How Will Charlie Crist Stay So Tan in DC?

It is an open secret amongst the Florida political establishment that Gov. Charlie Crist has a penchant for tanning. While the mainstream press often shies away from openly discussing the issue, Crist's hidden tanning habit is explored in detail in Kirby Dick's new movie Outrage: The Hidden Story of America's Oompa Loompa Politicians


Though, no one knows exactly how it is Crist stays his trade mark shade of burnt sienna. Thankfully, there are no paparazzi photos of the Gov splayed out on a beach wearing nothing but a Speedo and copious amounts of exotic oils, white chest hair glistening in the wind. Perhaps instead he spends a lot of time in a closet... in which he keeps a personal tanning bed.

While we are sure Crist will be glad to be away from this state "government" and all the "problems" he is "responsible" for once he is surely elected to Senate, he will surely miss all the opportunities for tanning Florida provides. 

Whatever the case, if Charlie gets elected to Senate he'll have to spend the majority of his time in Washington DC, a sad town where there are no beaches. Luckily we have found the nearest tanning Salon to the Senate Office buildings! It is Headlines Salon, where they invite you to "try a series of tanning sessions in our Sonnenbraun Wolff Tanning Equipment made in Germany."

You're welcome Charlie! 
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.