If you were one of the dwindling number of people who still wake up to the physical edition of The Miami Herald you were greeted by news you've likely known about for roughly 24 hours now: the Miami Dolphins are asking for tax money to pay for a $400 million upgrade to Sun Life Stadium.
So did the Herald even bother to try and add some zest to what everyone already knows?
Well, they went with this big, exciting, sexy headline "Fins unveil plan."
Read that again: "Fins unveil plan."
"Fins unveil plan."
It's like the editors said to themselves, 'What is the most boring, tepid, uninformative three word combination we could slap over this story?' and came up with this.
"Fins unveil plan."
If the paper was really trying to catch the meat of the story and the general sentiment of locals they might have gone with something a little more blunt. Something like "On The Hook Again?" "Stadium Welfare," or "Fins Ask for Handout."
El Nuevo Herald went with something more along those lines: "Dolphins ask for public funds for stadium," roughly translated. But they played the story at the bottom of the front page.
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Or course, the Herald wouldn't want to risk pissing off the team too much. It relies on them for access to team, news exclusives, and, not to mention, advertising after all.
Still they could have gone with something a little more exciting. "A Roof Over The Sun?" "$400 Million Facelift?" "Gridiron Gamble?" Oh, wait, we're using that last one on our cover this week for something completely unrelated.
Then we realized, why do we even care? It's not like anyone even reads their physical paper anymore anyway. At least it was better than The Sun-Sentinel's "Dolphins share dreams." Which we wish was an actual story about actual Dolphins telling us about the dreams they had last night. Or maybe even Dolphins players sharing that one weird nightmare they had that one time where they were banging a hot chick and then all the sudden her face morphed into Tony Sparano's. That would at least be interesting.