| Sports |

Heat Wins Ninth Straight, Spanks Bulls 86-67

Chicago might be best known for its deep-dish pizza, but Thursday night in Miami, it was their turnovers that the Heat found delicious. Mmmmmm! Capitalizing on 27 Chicago mistakes, Miami was able to breeze to a 86-67 victory over the Bulls for its ninth straight win.

Hollywood as hell, bro.

Once again led by LeBron James and his 26 points, 12 rebounds, and seven assists, the Heat suffocated the Bulls offense all night long, like a fart in an elevator. United Center fans were so starved of cheering moments they at one point loudly cheered an apparent LeBron leg injury -- only to soon realize LeBron's Cobra Dick doubles as an extra leg in emergency situations.

The game wasn't exactly pretty at times, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and luckily for Heat fans, they "be holding" the best player in the universe, LeBron James. Just when the Bulls looked like they would drag Miami into the pig pen to wrestle, LeBron would hit a beautiful jumper. Just when Joakim Noah would pump his fist after a loose ball layup and you felt like you wanted to punch something, LeBron would drain a pull-up three. MVP gonna MVP, ya know?

D-Wade had his moments himself, at one point spinning past Noah so fast he was sent back to Game of Thrones times when people who look and presumably smell like him were the norm and were accepted -- mainly because showers were hard to come by, and deodorant had yet to be invented.

With the win, the ninth in a row for Miami, the Heat has now opened up a commanding five-and-a-half game lead over the Knicks in the East. Whether it be on the road or at home lately, the Heat has been nothing short of unstoppable. How long can the team keep up this level of play, you ask?

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