Gulf Oil Spill Sticking With Us: Top Five Things We Thought Went Away But Really Didn't

Yesterday scientists at the University of California, San Francisco published a report on the dangers to humans and wildlife still posed by the gigantic Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. To the chagrin of BP, the White House, and everyone this side of Saudi Arabia, the report warned that the oil and the dispersants used to "clean" it up may cause cancer and other sicknesses for years to come.

"The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico poses direct threats to human health from inhalation or dermal contact with the oil and dispersant chemicals, and indirect threats to seafood safety and mental health," wrote UCSF scientist Gina M. Solomon.

That got us thinking about the top five other pains in the ass that we thought went away but really didn't.

5. Brett Favre

We know, we know. He is nearly 41 years old, can still throw a tight spiral, and has taken more hits than Method Man. But that doesn't mean we have to be happy he's back... again. Favre officially un-retired for the third time yesterday, "bringing his talents" back to the freezing confines of Minnesoooota in order to win the Super Bowl ring that has long evaded him - except for that time he already won it.

4. Gerald Posner
Not content with lifting from New Times's assortment of penis jokes and hard-hitting investigative journalism, Miami's plagiarist-in-chief Gerald Posner has returned from exile in Afghanistan to haunt us. Just this Tuesday he was spotted in a Starbucks across the street from New Times headquarters, his collagen-enhanced ears pricked to any newsworthy tidbits wafting across Biscayne Boulevard.

3. Sketchy Miami City Employees
As Riptide revealed earlier this week, shady city employees keep coming back like the undead, stealing our tax dollars instead of our brains. Apparently, the only thing harder than firing a questionable Miami employee is not hiring one in the first place.

2. William Shatner
The Shat is back: on TV, in commercials, in our nightmares. Need we say more? He just... won't... go... away.

1. Herpes
You're only young once, but STDs are forever. Riptide learned this the hard way after a late-night robotrip to Tijuana. Come for the donkey show, stay for the cheap blackmarket pharmaceuticals you now need to take every day for the rest of your life.

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