Unless you've spent the last 48 hours holed up in a French B&B humping the homosexuality right out of your rent-a-boy, you've probably heard about Miami New Times' exposé of gay-bashing evangelist George Alan Rekers' European tryst with a male prostitute.
Is there any homophobe out there that's not secretly had sex with men? Buju Banton, put your hand down. Catching counts.
Let's induct the top ten members into the Hall of Hypocritical Homophobic Homosexuals:
10. Richard Curtis, Republican member of the Washington state House of Representatives
How anti-gay is he? He voted against domestic partnerships for same-sex couples and voted against a bill prohibiting sexual orientation discrimination in a workplace.
How gay is he? He had sex with a gay male porn star -- oh, and Curtis wore lingerie under his clothing.
Totally gay quote: "I have not had sex with a guy."
9. Bob Allen, Republican member of Florida House of Representatives
How anti-gay is he? Supported a ban on same-sex couples adopting children.
How gay is he? Offered twenty bucks to a male undercover cop in exchange for letting him perform fellatio on him.
Totally gay quote: "This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," Allen, on the cop who he thought was trying to rob him. See, he offered to blow the guy because he feared he "was about to be a statistic".
8. Glenn Murphy, Jr., Chairman, Young Republican National Federation
How anti-gay is he? Dude, he's a Young Republican.
How gay is he? Got another Young Republican drunk and performed fellatio on him while he was asleep.
Totally gay quote: "We are the children of Reagan."
7. Roy Ashburn, Republican California state senator
How anti-gay is he? He voted against a day honoring slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk, voted against expanding anti-discrimination laws, and voted against gay marriage.
How gay is he? After being caught drunk driving with a male lover in the car, he publicly came out of the closet.
Totally gay quote: "I felt my duty is to represent my constituents, not my own point of view, not my own internal conflict."
6. Edward L. Schrock, Virginia Congressman
How anti-gay is he? He supported asking military recruits about their sexual orientation in order to bar gay soldiers.
How gay is he? Caught on tape soliciting sex from a male prostitute.
Totally gay quote: "I have come to the realization that these allegations will not allow my campaign to focus on the real issues facing our nation and region."
5. David Dreier, Republican member of the U.S. House of Representatives in California
How anti-gay is he? Voted against gay marriage, gay adoption, and inclusion of sexual orientation in hate crime legislation.
How gay is he? Our sister paper in Los Angeles reported that he was getting it on with his chief of staff and paying him a very handsome salary in return.
Totally gay quote: None. Dreier refuses to address allegations about the affair and runs away when people ask him about his sexual orientation.
4. Larry Craig, U.S. Senator from Idaho
How anti-gay is he? Twice voted to constitutionally ban same-sex marriage. Twice voted against sexual orientation being included in hate crime legislation. Strangely, three times voted to have a margarita machine installed in the bathroom of the Minnesota airport.
How gay is he? He solicited sex from an undercover cop in said airport bathroom.
Totally gay quote: "Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been."
3. Mark Foley, U.S. Representative from Florida
How anti-gay is he? Foley had a moderate voting record. But before we give him a pass, let's remember that he is a) a Republican and b) Chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children. Kinda funny-- read: sad-- considering...
How gay (not to mention molester-y) is he? For years, he sent sexual text messages to teenage Congressional pages.
Totally gay (not to mention molester-y) quote: "How my favorite young stud doing?:"
2. Ted Haggard, evangelist
How anti-gay is he? "Homosexual activity, like adulterous relationships, is clearly condemned in the Scriptures."
How gay is he? Hired male prostitutes. Also, used crystal meth.
Totally gay quote: "I think of myself as a heterosexual but with issues."
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1. George Alan Rekers, evangelist and junk scientist
How anti-gay is he? Founder of the right-wing Family Research Council and board member of the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, which teaches that homosexuality can be cured.
How gay is he? You better just read the story.
Totally gay quote: "I had surgery and I can't lift luggage. That's why I hired him."