Despite an enthusiastic toast to boyfriend Dwyane Wade's fathering skills and something that maybe, possibly looked like a, ugh, "baby bump," Gabrielle Union wants you to know that she is not pregnant with Wade's child. Which is a shame, considering we're pretty sure that a Wade baby could come out the womb playing ball better than the non-headliners on the Heat roster.

"No, I am not pregnant and please let the world know I will only be pregnant after I am married, and that will be years from now," Union told Dime Wars. "I want to play roles that let me wear a bikini and run around like a badass! LOL It's kinda hard to do all that with a baby bump!"

"When erroneous reports of pregnancy pop up for different actors or artists, that can stop us from getting work...it's hard enough in this recession trying to find a job without our own people putting up unnecessary roadbloacks for us to feed our families."

Unfortunately, Union doesn't have any confirmed upcoming work listed on her IMDB, which really is a shame. Hollywood, why are you depriving us of seeing Gabrielle Union running around in a bikini like a badass? Hmmm? Coincidentally, Hollywood, I do have a spec script lying around entitled Bikini Badasses, if anyone is interested...
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

• Celebritiest