Four Reasons This Is the Most Boring Moment in South Florida Sports History
Photo by George Martinez

Four Reasons This Is the Most Boring Moment in South Florida Sports History

Welcome to the deadest of the dead time in South Florida sports history. That's right now. It's happening. Well, actually nothing is happening, which is the historic part.

Hopefully, everyone used the restroom and packed some snacks, because the next sports exit on this highway isn't for quite some time. Though quite a bit of highway road is always left between mid-May and Miami Dolphins preseason football, it's never been quite this bad. Other than the 7,201 locals attending Marlins games to watch one of the worst teams in Major League Baseball, local sports fans have nothing to talk about.

It's bad. So bad. Here are four reminders of why being a Miami fan is brutal right now.

Four Reasons This Is the Most Boring Moment in South Florida Sports History
Photo by George Martinez

1. The NBA Draft is in June, but the Heat isn't involved. Normally at this point in the year, Heat fans are either biting their fingernails while watching the Heat sweat out a playoff series or preparing for the NBA Draft, but this year, neither of those things will happen.

The 76ers made light work of the Heat in the first round last month, and the Heat doesn't own a pick in June's NBA Draft thanks to the deals in which they acquired Goran Dragic from the Suns (who got the Heat's first-round pick). The deal that sent Chris Andersen to the Grizzlies gave Memphis the Heat's second-round pick. It's possible the Heat could buy a second-round pick from someone, but as far as the mock drafts and buildup to the big event goes, there's nothing to see in South Florida.

Maybe the Heat will trade Hassan Whiteside for literally anything. That would be exciting. Fans might consider that fun.

Four Reasons This Is the Most Boring Moment in South Florida Sports History
Tim Elfrink

2. The Miami Marlins barely exist. If this Marlins season were a videogame, we'd simulate the hell out of it. Nobody wants this. Nobody needs this season. Nobody will watch this team play baseball. At the most, only a handful of players on this team will be here in two seasons. It's just one of the most forgettable Marlins seasons ever, which is saying something for this franchise.

Maybe the Marlins are following a smart strategy by tearing it all down to build it back up correctly. But for now, that approach just means there's nothing of note happening in Marlins Park. The season is only happening because, by rule, it must.

Four Reasons This Is the Most Boring Moment in South Florida Sports History
Photo by Christina Mendenhall

3. The Miami Hurricanes offseason is a perennial bore. College football does a lot of things right, but keeping fans entertained between games isn't exactly its strong suit. Unless you enjoy tracking the emotions of high schoolers who might eventually commit or de-commit from your school, there's a whole lot of waiting around and reading secondhand accounts of what after-school practices are like. 

The Hurricanes' next game will take place September 2 against the LSU Tigers. It'll be a great game! It's also almost four months away. God help us all.

Four Reasons This Is the Most Boring Moment in South Florida Sports History
Photo by George Martinez

4. The Dolphins won't return until August. Some of you read that sentence in a fun, excited, oh-no-that's-so-far-away voice in your head, but others probably read it as "sigh." Toward the end of August, the Dolphins will begin playing fake football games. By then, we'll be thankful those meaningless preseason games are here. We'd kill for a fake Dolphins game against the Jaguars on a Wednesday night right now.

Late August is far away. Real games in September are even farther away. The Dolphins won't walk through that door anytime soon to entertain us.

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