Florida Woman Kidnapped Her Daughter to Prevent Her From Learning Black History

A lot of weird things happen in Florida. Every Friday, we're here to round up some of the weirdest. This week: a mother who very much believes everything she reads on the internet, and an extremely whacked-up wang. 

Mom Is Human Manifestation of Comments 
There's so much weird, extremist, political stuff on the internet that we always wonder if people actually believe half of what they type. If push came to shove, would they put their money where their mouth is? If they thought really carefully about it, would they still believe what they're spouting and take big risks in line with those beliefs?

For 23-year-old Florida resident Megan Everett, the answer is yes

As our sister paper in Broward-Palm Beach detailed in an award-winning feature story, Everett disappeared with her daughter from Sunrise in 2014 after failing to turn young Lilly over to her father. The two had shared custody. 

Instead of getting his daughter, Robert Baumann received only a note: 
“You are a great dad. If I let them take her and vaccinate her and brainwash her, I wouldn’t be doing what’s right. I cannot let a judge tell me how my daughter should be raised. We will miss you. But I had to leave.”
Baumann also told police that he had wanted to enroll his daughter in pre-K, but Everett preferred homeschooling. She said she didn't want her daughter learning about black history and wanted her to learn only about the Confederacy. So she took off.

Her story was aired nationally last weekend on John Walsh's CNN show The Hunt, and a woman in Palatka, Florida, recognized the mother and daughter and tipped off authorities. Everett was found living in an RV and had since changed her daughter's name to Mary. She was arrested on multiple charges, and Lilly has now been returned to her father. 

Unlicensed Surgeon Mutilates Hialeah Man's Penis 
If you get a bad haircut, it grows back. If a doctor messes up your ass injections, there's always hope another doc can smooth it all out. But if a doc absolutely mutilates your penis, well, there's little you can do about it. 

An unknown Hialeah man had received an injection into his penis to make it appear longer and thicker, but he wasn't pleased with the results. That was his first mistake, but at least he had something still resembling a penis. He then turned to Tamarac resident Mark D. Schreiber to help him fix the botched schlong correction. Schreiber, however, only made it worse, police say, rendering the penis sexually dysfunctional. 

Turns out Schreiber was unlicensed and was arrested on charges on those grounds as well as causing injury. Police are still searching for Nery C. Gonzalez, the man who performed the first wiener whack. 

As for the victim, well, at least we can say it takes a lot of balls to come forward with that story. 

Man Tries to Chew Off Fingerprints 
In Lee County, Kenzo Roberts was picked up for driving a 2015 Mercedes that had been reported stolen. Police also found him with a fake ID, fraudulent credit cards, and a concealed firearm. 

Roberts was desperate to not be identified, so in the back of the police car, he tried to chew off his own fingerprints. That didn't work, but when police did run his prints, they found why he was so desperate to remove them. He had two felony warrants out for his arrest in Broward County and was in the country illegally.
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Kyle Munzenrieder