Florida Tourist Pours Vodka Into Eyes of Child Who Was Splashing in Hotel Pool

A lot of weird things happen in Florida every week, and on Fridays, we're here to bring you the weirdest. This week, we learned not to drink vodka on a Monday and not to smoke pot in the SUV our father bought us. 
Florida Tourist Pours Vodka Into Kid's Eye and Pushes Him Into Pool 
Yes, a lot of weird things happen in Florida, but it's not just the natives who are responsible. Oh, sure, the headlines alway say "Florida Man," but we all know that "Tourist Woman" is also responsible for her share of shenanigans in this state. 

Take North Carolina resident Roseanna Marie Kiser, for example. The 33-year-old was having herself a grand time on vacation at the Sheraton Sand Key Resort in Clearwater. She was really living it up. In fact, she was drinking vodka straight from the bottle while sitting by the pool on a Monday. Ah, the good life! 

Also enjoying the pool that Monday were some children not known to Kiser. One of the boys, a 7-year-old, was repeatedly splashing in the pool. This upset Kiser, because some of the splashes came her way. So she uncapped her vodka bottle and poured the alcohol directly into the face and eyes of the boy. 

Then she grabbed him by the chest and, according to the police report, pushed him "further away from her into the water in the pool." 

Clearwater Police showed up and found Kiser in her room. She fought with officers and kicked one repeatedly in the groin. Other officers got kicked in the head, neck, and chest. 

All told, Kiser racked up charges of child abuse and battery on a law enforcement officer. Both are felonies.
Florida Man Calls 911 Because Girlfriend Won't Buy Him Vodka 
Speaking of vodka and Mondays (and what healthy Florida lifestyle doesn't involve vodka on Mondays?), elsewhere in the state that day, Jack Means, a 57-year-old Naples resident, decided he really needed some vodka, but his girlfriend wouldn't buy him any. So he called 911

Means, already intoxicated, told the emergency operator that his neighbors were being loud and unruly, but when an officer showed up, Means admitted the call was really about his girlfriend's unwillingness to buy him a bottle of booze. He ended up being arrested on a misdemeanor charge of misusing the 911 system. 
Florida Dad Sells His Stoner Son's SUV on Craigslist 
Allan Gieger bought his son a 1998 Ford Explorer as his first car. Gieger expected junior to drive it to work and school. Instead, Gieger says, the kid used it to drive around with his friends and smoke pot. So Gieger put the SUV up for sale on Craigslist with the memorable ad above. 

Please note the best line: "I'll take $250 off the price just so he sees it every now and then so it'll remind him of how good he had it!" 

According to CNN, the truck sold in two hours. 
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Kyle Munzenrieder