Florida Cops Respond to Tourist Looking for Weed on Twitter

A lot of weird things happen in Florida. Every Friday, we’re here to bring you the oddest. This week: A weed-seeking tourist takes to Twitter, a lazy dildo thief, and a Taco Bell-craving coma patient.

Florida Police Department Responds to Tourist’s Twitter Plea for Weed
Twitter user @preznixon16, who, according to her profile, is a high-school senior from Sioux Falls, South Dakota, was recently visiting Sarasota when she hit up Twitter ask if anyone had some weed. Because, frankly, what else is there to do in Sarasota? 

WHOS IN SARASOTA FLORIDA AND HAS WEED #Sarasota

— Fly Shit Only (@preznixon16) May 8, 2016

Her tweet mostly went unmentioned until the Sarasota Police Department replied a few days later. 

If you'd like to stop by our HQs, our Narcotics Detectives would be more than happy to talk. #SayNoToDrugs #LESM https://t.co/sQc8P2LHUL

— SarasotaPD (@sarasotapd) May 10, 2016

“This one popped up on our radar, and I happened to be with our chief and deputy chief, and we thought, You know, that deserves a response,” police spokeswoman and tweet author Genevieve Judge told WFLA. “We felt like we should respond and remind them that if you’re looking for weed in Sarasota, you might want to look elsewhere.”

Sarasota, by the way, is home to Florida’s public liberal arts college New College and one of Florida’s most prestigious art schools, Ringling College of Art & Design. It’s also famous for being the winter home of several traveling circuses. Somehow, we don’t think it’s difficult to find weed there. 

It turns out @preznixon16 did not find weed. 

@bkurbs Unfortunately not

— Fly Shit Only (@preznixon16) May 12, 2016

She did, however, have a message for Florida. 

Alright guys, my tweet does have a good message. There needs to be more weed in Florida. That shit shouldn't even be illegal.

— Fly Shit Only (@preznixon16) May 12, 2016

Trust us @preznixon16, there’s plenty of weed in Florida.
Florida Woman Steals Sex Merch From Walmart Because She’s Too Lazy to Pay
Therasa Prine, 25, was cuffed last week after stealing a vibrator, lubricant, and what police described as a “vibrating penis ring” from a Walmart in St. Petersburg. Perhaps the first shock from this news is that Walmart sells vibrators and motorized cock rings in the first place, but apparently it does. The superstore sells the Trojan Ultra Touch personal massager and the LifeStyles vibrating ring to be exact. (The lube was good ol’ KY in case you’re wondering.)

However, when Prine was asked why she stole the items, she told police it was because she was “too lazy” to pay. 

How anyone can be too lazy to go through the Walmart self-checkout but still have the energy to plan to go home and self-“checkout” with an Ultra Touch personal massager, we’re not sure. Perhaps the fact that marijuana and pain pills were also found on Prine’s person explains it.
Florida Man Wakes Up From Coma and Declares, “I Want Taco Bell” 
This past February, Jake Booth, an Army vet and a former cop in Collier County, came down with a case of bronchitis. He got a prescription to take care of it but neglected to finish the full regimen of pills. The bronchitis came roaring back as pneumonia, and Booth fell into a coma. 

A full 48 days later, he awoke.

The first words he uttered, “I want Taco Bell.” 

“He actually said, out loud, ‘I want Taco Bell,’” Booth’s brother told USA Today. “That was the very first thing he said.” 

It took 22 more days before Booth was cleared to eat solid food, but when he was, his family treated him to eight-and-a-half Taco Bell tacos.

Anyway, we hope you learned an important lesson from all of this: Take your medication as directed.