Miami Drink Company Creates "Safe Space" for Dolphins Fans With Free Hugs and Therapy

Enjoy the attention of someone paid to hear you complain about the Miami Dolphins.
Enjoy the attention of someone paid to hear you complain about the Miami Dolphins. Photo by George Martinez
The Miami Dolphins haven't played a game in what feels like an eternity. But, as usual, the NFL is all rude about things, so football season doesn't stop once the Dolphins are done playing their contractually obligated 16 games. This Sunday's Super Bowl LIV matchup between the San Francisco 49ers and Kansas City Chiefs at Hard Rock Stadium will officially end the NFL season for everyone else.

For Dolphins fans, watching two teams play the NFL's greatest game in their team's home stadium is pretty torturous. It's like your mom inviting your friends over to play Nintendo at your house while you watch.

The Dolphins haven't won a playoff game since 'NSync's "Bye, Bye, Bye" was the number one song in America, and they the team has played in only three of those playoff games since that day in 2000. It's not fair, and it hurts a lot, man.

Thankfully for Miami Dolphins season ticketholders, a utopia of pain relief exists. Five Drinks Co. — an up-and-coming Miami-based canned-cocktail company — is providing what it has labeled a "DolFans Safe Space" where season ticketholders can enjoy the only things that will make them feel better: food, beer, human contact, and the attention of someone paid to listen to complaints about the Miami Dolphins.

This Friday and Saturday, January 31 and February 1, from 4 to 8 p.m., the company will turn its upcoming distillery space into a place where Dolphins fans can get hammered, stuff their faces with free food, hug strangers, and, if they choose, talk to someone about how a professional football team ruined their childhood and caused all of the trust issues now affecting their third marriages.

The safe space will be located at 520 NW 27th St. in Miami. To participate in the free fun, season ticketholders must simply arrive dressed in Dolphins gear and show their season passes. Nothing is mentioned about free tissues, however, so you might want to stuff a few of those travel-size Kleenex packs in your pocket.

Free food will be provided by Love Life Cafe, a Miami plant-based restaurant that believes eating well can lead to good karma, something the Dolphins — a team that plays in a stadium built on Native American burial grounds — could use a more of. At this point, Dolphins fans will try anything. 
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.
Contact: Ryan Yousefi