Let's admit the obvious: Miami is a special kind of crazy. When it comes to sports, though, Miami fans have the opposite reputation: bland, forgettable, and oftentimes fair-weather.
That's a BS narrative, though. Miami fans, too, are crazy. They're just as passionate as those weirdos in Green Bay who wear cheese on their heads or those psychos in Buffalo who jump onto blazing picnic tables. It's just a different brand of crazy that resides in Dade County. It's a Miami thing. You wouldn't understand.
Even if you're not a fan of South Florida sports teams, you know these people. They exist in large numbers and walk among us every day. They work in your office. They ride in your Uber Pool. They're related to you. Hell, maybe you are one of these special brands of sports fan.
These are the craziest-ass sports fans in Miami. Talk crap about them at your own risk.
1. Irrationally Confident Miami Dolphins Fan. There are normal Miami Dolphins fans, and then there is this person. They're borderline scaring everyone. Though this fan's constant belief that the Dolphins will soon be on top of the NFL again is admirable, actually believing the Dolphins will win the Super Bowl every year makes everyone want to cut this fan off from drinking that next Bud Light Lime.
This fan loves Ryan Tannehill and has the tweets to prove it. When the Dolphins lose, this fan takes it personally, like a mini-breakup, and their house and wardrobe make it very obvious they has a problem. Be careful around them on Sundays. They're not well — unless the Dolphins win. Then they're high on sports.
2. Miami Heat "
This fan's rationale: The Heat always knows what's best, and everything the team does is correct until it's not, and then it wasn't the Heat's fault. Sign Dion Waiters to a $50 million deal when everyone knows he has a bum ankle? Good move! Lock up Tyler Johnson for the same money Kyrie Irving makes? No choice, bro: "In Pat Riley We Trust." When LeBron James left the Heat, this fan was irate, not because the Heat lost the best player in the league, but because LeBron would dare leave the franchise that "made" him and "taught him" how to win.
3. "All About the U" Miami Hurricanes Fan. It's not uncommon for this Canes fan to roll up to a tailgate towing a caja china and a whole pig. This fan makes even the wildest Dolphins fan seem like a Florida Panthers fan at a Sunday game at the BB&T. They're probably an alcoholic, but they'll worry about that Monday. To be honest: We're actually sort of impressed they can
This fan's entire life is affected by what the Hurricanes do. Everyone is a hater. Nobody respects the Hurricanes and, by proxy, them and their entire city. Maybe steer clear of this fan Saturdays after 10 a.m. They're a firecracker waiting to explode, win or lose.
4. Cosplay Fan. This kind of Miami sports fan goes the extra yard. Every game day is Halloween for this fan. Their garage includes an assortment of crafting materials that can build a shield, mask, and costume on a moment's notice. This person wants to stand out at the tailgate and is likely all over social media posing with regular fans. This person is usually nice, until you make fun of them or cross them — then you stepped in it
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Cosplay Fan is a special kind of crazy — one every fan base needs. This is the fan we should all be, really. Sports are entertainment, and the point is to have fun. Really, those of us who take sports too seriously are the weird ones.
5. Die-Hard Miami Marlins Fan. Any person who is still sticking with the Miami Marlins — in a watching-every-pitch-checking-the-minor-leagues way — is a great fan. They're also worrying the rest of us, in a very Gone Girl way. Nobody can be this big of a fan of the Fish without an ulterior motive. They're up to something.
We aren't talking about the kind of Marlins fans who watch every night on TV and tweet about the games. The fans we're talking about are the people who go out to the park every night, regardless of the roster, and live and die for Marlins baseball. The term "crazy" can be used in a variety of ways. In this instance, it describes a person who is so loyal they're scary. They're at stalker status at this point. We admire them, but we're also pretty sure they have dark secrets.