Fiscal Cliff Averted, No Thanks To Marco Rubio or Trio of South Florida Representatives

Today is going to be a real bitch, Miami. No question about it. You're back at work already, but those three bottles of champers you chugged on New Year's Eve are not done with you yet. Right now, your head feels like Deadmau5 is spinning a set on your cerebellum.

But there is good news. While you were hungover, your elected officials managed to do something for once. They approved a short-term fix to the fiscal cliff crisis that they themselves created just months earlier.

Well, most of them did. Marco Rubio was one of just eight senators to vote against the agreement. And no less than three South Florida representatives tried to kill the last-ditch, economy-saving, tax-reducing measure. Can you guess which ones? Here's a clue: they're all bat-shit insane. And they are all on their way out of office.

If you guessed nut-punching playboy Connie Mack IV, Muslim-baiting psycho Allen West, and America's allegedly most corrupt politician David Rivera, you win a bottle of John Boehner's fake tan cream (color: burnt sienna).

Here's a full list of how South Florida's elected officials voted on the fiscal cliff bill:

Voted in favor:
Sen. Bill Nelson (D)
Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D)
Rep. Alcee Hastings (D)
Rep. Frederica Wilson (D)
Rep. Ted Deutch (D)
Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R)
Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart (R)

Voted against:
Sen. Marco Rubio (R)
Rep. David Rivera (R)
Rep. Connie Mack IV (R)
Rep. Allen West (R)

Interestingly enough, Mack's own wife -- California Republican rep Mary Bono Mack -- voted to approve the fiscal deal. Aaaawkward.

Nonetheless, Mary Bono Back joins her husband, West, and Rivera on their way out of Washington D.C. All four of them recently lost their elections and will be packing up their congressional office supplies later today.

Without a doubt, the biggest name on the list of descendants is Tea Party poster boy and potential GOP presidential candidate Marco Rubio.

"Of course, many Americans will be relieved in the short term that their taxes won't go up," the senator said in a statement. "However in the long run, they will be hurt when employers pass on to them one of the largest tax hikes in decades."

His "no" vote angered even fellow conservatives, however.

"Apparently, his advisers have convinced him that irresponsibility is the road to the White House," right-leaning Jennifer Rubin wrote in The Washington Post. "It is not the first time that he has chosen to play to the right-wing peanut gallery, showing a troublesome timidity in the face of future primary votes."

The last-minute deal did not include an extension of the extremely popular payroll tax cut. Experts say that could still damage the economy and will cost the average South Florida family several thousand dollars in 2013.

Happy New Year Miami! Now take some ibuprofen.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes. Follow this journalist on Twitter @MikeMillerMiami.

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