Every week, Riptide's crack team of employment termination scientists gauge just how fireable loathed Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland has become following his latest series of horrific blunders. So how close is the Ginger Menace to getting canned this week?
Late yesterday, word spread that the Dolphins had cut wide receiver Legedu Naanee (he of the Star Wars name and late-game fumble on his ONLY reception all season) and signed former Bucs/Patriots/Redskins/Eagles/ohfuckiteveryteam wide receiver Jabar Gaffney.
DID YOU GUYS GET YOUR SUPER BOWL TICKETS YET?
Jesus, Jeff Ireland is atrocious.
What Horrible Thing Did Jeff Ireland Do This Week?
As mentioned above, the Dolphins finally released wide receiver Legedu Naanee. When you consider how useless and occasionally detrimental to the team's success Naanee had been, you'd probably consider this something of a victory or positive development in the Jeff Ireland reign of terror. But then you have to consider this list of 2012 free agents brought in by Ireland and signed by the Dolphins:
David Garrard = cut
Artis Hicks = contract terminated off IR
Tyrell Johnson = cut
Legedu Naanee = cut
Gary Guyton = cut
Jamal Westerman = cut
Chad Johnson = cut
Eric Steinbach = retired
Richard Marshall = starting defensive back / human Looney Tunes cartoon
You really have to try to be that shitty at your job. It doesn't just happen; you'd have been fired eons ago. That means the entire free agency period under Ireland was a fucking waste this year. Ireland may as well have spent his time trying to teach his cat fencing all offseason.
First and second-round picks, big name free agents ... those are typically as no-brainer as it gets in the NFL (though not for Ireland). All the homework is done by Mike Mayock along with other draftniks and the consensus can be fairly definite about their talent (with the exception of "busts", which by nature, are called that for being surprise failures).
However, where a General Manager makes his money and establishes his reputation in the league is via free agency involving second and third-tier players and in the lower rounds of the draft. So, the fact that eight out of nine free agent pickups by Jeff Ireland did not work out can only reasonably lead us to believe that he is a minion of Satan here to infect our team with The Suck until we are good and dead. Or the new Cleveland Browns. His work is nearly complete. I'd probably check under my car every morning if I were Richard Marshall considering how crappily he's performed thus far in the season.
In addition, the Dolphins suffered a heartbreaker in overtime for the second straight week because our team lacks guys in the secondary that can close in the fourth quarter, a coach that doesn't know when to call his last timeout as the other team is driving on his gassed defense and, oh by the way, our owner is the biggest contributor to the Romney-Ryan campaign from the NFL. Rollin' with losers left and right, people. We blame it all on Ireland around these parts.
So how Fireable is Jeff Ireland This Week?
Given his record in acquiring "talent" and/or continuing to give our talent away for "value" he will inevitably squander, Ireland is about 92 percent fireable this week. At least he finally realized the Star Wars wide receiver was a serious liability whenever he's on the field. I didn't peg him to figure out that shit until well after the end of the Mayan calendar. GOODY FOR YOU, JEFFY!
What Should The Dolphins Do About It (But Probably Won't)?
Open up their after-dinner fortune cookie to reveal the message that says FIRE HIS ASS. Appreciate his ass straight outta town.
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Or we could always have Legedu Naanee pull a Star Wars on him and shoot his ass like Han Solo shot Greedo in the cantina scene:
The Super Bowl-bound Miami Dolphins take on the Cincinnati Bengals this Sunday at 1 p.m. Feel free to start moving cash from your savings to your checking account now for those tickets to New Orleans in February.