Miami federal prosecutor Sean Cronin, 35, was arrested yesterday after deciding to take an impromptu dip in nothing but his boxer shorts at a bar's pool while watching the New England Patriots game. A young girl and her mother claimed to have seen Cronin's little federal prosecutor as he exited the pool, and now he's being charged with two misdemeanor charges of lewd and lascivious exhibition and nonviolent obstruction of justice.
According to The Herald, the incident happened last afternoon at Finnegan's River. A native of Boston, Cronin was watching the New England Patriots barely stave off the Buffalo Bills. At some point he decided to go swimming in the pool and stripped to his boxer shorts. That's when little Cronin allegedly peaked out.
Or, as the arrest report so delightfully puts it, "When the defendant came out of the pool his penis was exposed and it appeared to be erect."
The mother of the young girl who saw the alleged wardrobe malfunction was so shocked she had to cover the girl's eyes.
As a side note, a pro tip to guys: if you're the kind of person who randomly ends up in his underwear a lot but doesn't want to face accidental exhibition charges, get some briefs or boxer briefs. They keep things in place. At the very least get some of the boxers with the button on the fly, okay.
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Anyway, the mother alerted the staff who tried to detain Cronin but he attempted to leave. When a police officer arrived, Cronin, according to the police report, continued fleeing and jumped over multiple fences. No word on whether he was wearing more than his boxers at this point. He was finally detained at about 2:30 p.m.
We're not going to theorize that maybe the mother is just a big Dolphins fan, and wanted an annoying Pats fan off the premises. No, we aren't at all.
His lawyer, Joel Denaro, tells The Herald, "He went swimming in his boxer shorts, for God's sake. He did nothing wrong."
Cronin specializes in narcotics cases, and was reprimanded last year for allegedly mishandling evidence in the government's case against a pill-peddling Miami Beach doctor.