Dade County is quickly devolving into a real life Spurbury, Vermont, the town in cult classic Super Troopers where war erupts between cool, hipster Highway Patrol officers and douchebag townie cops. Except instead of fighting over Canadian drug shipments, Miami police and Florida Highway Patrol troopers are brawling over footage that went viral last week showing a Miami cop pulled over at gunpoint by an FHP officer for blazing down the highway at 120 mph.
The latest salvo came this morning, when Joe Sanchez -- the longtime Miami commish and mayoral candidate -- announced that he'd found his FHP cruiser smeared with feces. The snozberries taste like snozberries, Miami.
Sanchez, who lost to Tomas Regalado in Miami's mayoral race two years ago, has since turned from politics to pulling over speeders on the Turnpike. He tells Channel 10 that on Sunday, he found his patrol car in front of his house covered in human feces.
"(It looked) like it might have come out of one of the Port-o-Potties you see around construction sites," FHP union chief William Smith tells the station.
Smith tried to play nice with MPD, saying he didn't want to cast blame on irate Miami cops just yet. "It could have been a disgruntled neighbor, for all we know," he tells Channel 10.
Yet the rhetoric between Miami cops and the FHP has gotten so vicious over the past week that it's hard to imagine a poop-bomb against the force's most prominent trooper wasn't connected.
The fight started on Oct. 11, when a trooper named D.J. Watts chased a Miami cop named Fausto Lopez, who was doing 120 on the Turnpike. When she pulled him over, she approached with her gun drawn, later telling him, "To me, you're a criminal."
The video's gotten half-a-million views since last week on You Tube and Miami cops have erupted online to complain that Watts went over the line.
Miami PD's message board on LEOAffairs.com has been full of threats against Watts and put-downs of the FHP. ""I would have loved for Watts to try and pull me over in my marked unit and draw her gun on me! She would have a very rude awakening,'' wrote one poster, according the the Miami Herald.
This morning, the board is already alive again with jeering commentary on Sanchez's claims.
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"Attention: All South Florida (law enforcement officers) will now have to submit to stool tests, till the FHP finds their man," writes poster "Sheety situation."
Sanchez has promised to release photos of his shit-covered cruiser later today. In the meantime, we'd advise Miami to stay away from whichever local diner cops and troopers meet up in to fight it out: