Sports

Dwyane Wade Gets Owned

Oh, this is not good. We already had our star power-or-maybe-small forward of the future in a rehab facility for a full month; Lamar Odom waffled for three weeks and then chose L.A. over us (BTW: Notice how decisive he was when it came to marrying a Kardashian. We sent the wrong negotiating team! Lamar, if we'd have known, we would have sent Khloé with a basket of M&M's!). And now, in the first preseason game of the year, Dwyane Wade gets completely owned by a rookie. Cue the brown bags (Louis Vuitton brown bags, of course):

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the summer of 2010.

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P. Scott Cunningham