Don't Call it Swine Flu

Zero swine flu cases have been found Florida, but that hasn't stopped the Herald from reporting 20 people might, maybe, sorta-kinda be infected. So you can probably blame media -- ourselves included -- for the fact that heathy people have stopped buying bacon and started calling their doctors every 20 minutes. (Riptide's doc rolled her eyes when we asked about it Tuesday.) Oh, the mass freak-outs newsfolk can ignite.

Still, there's no real excuse for this one: A few hours ago, the federal government and World Health Organization officially stopped calling the virus "Swine Flu," noting that hurts pork sales. Its new, improved moniker: H1N1. We're guessing the White House conversation went something like this:

Advisor: Swine Flu? No, no, no. It doesn't say 'Order a BLT' the way we want it to. We need something fresher, catchier - a title that inspires hunger.

Obama: But do we really think people are going to stop calling it "Swine Flu" at this point?

Advisor: Sir, we are confident the media zombies will follow our lead.

Obama: But what about the people? Won't they think we're tools?

Advisor: Sir, we are politicians.

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Natalie O'Neill
Contact: Natalie O'Neill