Dolphins Implode Against Lions, Finish Season 1-7 At Home

With no playoffs and no hope left for this season, the Dolphins entered a pretty meaningless game against the Detroit Lions on Sunday, all things considered. There was very little to be gained from a win other than to say they didn't lose to the Detroit Lions. But that didn't lessen the sting when it actually happened.

Detroit intercepted Chad Henne twice and scored 17 points in the final four minutes of Sunday's game, rallying past the Fins for the 34-27 final. It was the Dolphins' seventh loss of the season. And after that little nugget of information, it looks like Tony Sparano might be fist-pump-celebrating field goals somewhere else next season.

The Dolphins held a 27-17 lead with nine minutes remaining before they remembered they were the Dolphins and rubbed their proverbial scrotums on their fanbase's proverbial face -- again -- and completely bungled their way to another loss.

What Went Right: The Dolphins started off solid with a field goal and a touchdown and were able to keep the Lions at bay with a Henne TD to Davone Bess and a touchdown each by Ronnie Brown and Lousaka Polite. Brandon Marshall, meanwhile, caught 10 passes for 109 yards. Miami had an impressive game all the way up until the final four minutes. So close!

What Went Wrong: It was at the 4:49 mark that you could see the first signs of the shit hitting the fan for Miami, when Jahvid Best turned a short Shaun Hill pass into a 53-yard touchdown. Best's scamper brought the score to 27-24, Miami. On the following Dolphins drive, Nathan Vasher intercepted Henne and set up a 47-yard field goal for the Lions, knotting things up at 27-all.

Three plays later, Henne threw another pick, this time to DeAndre Levy. Levy took that INT to the house, giving the Lions the 34-27 lead. Some will say Henne's second interception wasn't completely his fault, since Davone Bess fell down just before the ball arrived. But Levy himself assured everyone that Chad Henne's shittiness was mostly to blame for the pick-six.

With time running out and no time outs left, the Dolphins marched down the field to attempt a game-tying touch down. With 19 seconds remaining, Henne dumped the ball off to Ronnie Brown (instead of, you know, THROWING IT DOWN THE FIELD!). Brown failed to get out of bounds and time expired. A fitting end to an offense that plays football like old people fuck.

What We Learned: Tony Sparano is on the hot seat. Whether he gets fired or not is in owner Stephen Ross' hands. Perhaps he'll consult fellow owners Gloria Estefan and Jennifer Lopez! It's good to have keen football minds at your disposal.

Next Up: The Dolphins visit Foxboro to play the New England Patriots. 7-9 here we come! Also, the Dolphins officially have the 16th overall pick in next April's NFL Draft. Cockpunch here we come!

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Chris Joseph