Dolphins Choke on Thanksgiving Weekend

Four things you must have in order to be a Miami Dolphins fan:

  1. A total lack of surprise when they lose to a 3-7 team.
  2. An understanding that when they're presented with a golden opportunity scenario, they, more often than not, blow said opportunity.
  3. An expectation that things can and eventually will implode.
  4. Booze. Lots and lots of booze.
The Dolphins have had some monumentally craptastic losses this season (the collapses against the Colts and Saints come to mind). But perhaps no loss was as several-blows-to-the-nards-with-a-pipe-wrench bad as yesterday's 31-14 abomination against the Buffalo Bills.

Miami could not have asked for a better scenario entering this game. In the Bills, they faced a team that had mustered only three wins, has an interim head coach, features a patchwork offensive line, and has a starting quarterback whose sole claim to fame has been that he finished his Wonderlic test in record time. Meanwhile, the New England Patriots will face the undefeated New Orleans Saints tonight, which meant that, had the Fins beaten Buffalo, they could have been playing for the division lead next week when they host the Patriots. At the very least, a win would have kept Miami in the wildcard chase.

Instead, the Dolphins crapped all over themselves and all over any real

playoff hopes. These are the Miami Dolphins, and

this is just how they roll.

Chad Henne had a day to forget, with three interceptions. And though Ricky Williams turned in another solid performance with 115 yards and a

touchdown, apparently it was wasn't enough. Not when your defense is

giving up 140 combined fourth-quarter points. The Bills have been

terrible late in games, being outscored 54-0 in the fourth

quarter of their last three matchups. This was a perfect opportunity for

Miami's defense to slam the door on its abhorrent fourth-quarter play

and put the Bills away. Instead, the Fins bludgeoned us in the face with their

shittiness. The Bills scored 24 points in the fourth, including a

51-yard bomb to Terrell Owens. The final nail in the coffin was when

the Dolphins defense gave us all a collective "Meh, fuck it" and let Fred Jackson walk into the endzone on a seven-yard TD with 1:30

left in regulation.

Choke job complete.

The Dolphins find themselves in a 5-6 hole and staring up at a

shitload of other teams in the wildcard hunt. The all-too-familiar should-haves and could-haves linger. As does the stench of this

choke job. Next up, the New England Patriots. Better stock up

on the Jägermeister.

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Chris Joseph