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Dolphins Blow 15-Point Lead, Win Suck For Luck Bowl

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With their defense flying around making plays and their offense opting for touchdowns instead of field goals, all signs pointed to the Miami Dolphins getting their first win of the season. FUCK YEA!

But then Tim Tebow dialed up the Jesus, led the Denver Broncos in erasing a 15-point deficit, tied the game with seventeen seconds left, and eventually won in overtime, handing the Dolphins their sixth straight loss of the season. In other words, all is going according to plan!

The Rundown:

- The final moments of the game were pretty exciting, but the first three quarters before that were fried ass. Both quarterbacks were atrocious. And while Matt Moore is just bad quarterbacking, Tim Tebow actually looked worse (until the end when Miami Dolphin'd the game). All accolades and ESPN dick-sucking isn't going to change the fact that he still lacks the basic fundamentals of an NFL quarterback with that cockeyed delivery that sends the ball flopping three feet away from every receiver. It looks like he's throwing bags of piss.

- All reports indicate that the Dolphins' Gator Day was an awkward mess. Dolphins fans were booing, Gator fans were doing that insufferable Gator-chomp thing, Dolphins fans booed even louder. It was Thunderdome. Except instead of Mad Max fighting a giant troglodyte dude with a bucket on his head with chainsaws and tridents, you had mongoloid Gator fans. Well, it's actually not that far off when you think about it. Never mind!

- Things got tense at the end there for Suck For Luckers when the Broncos got the ball in Dolphins territory and then decided to run it three straight times to set up their shitty field goal kicker for a 50-yarder. Denver was totally Sparanoing that shit. But then he hit the field goal, won the game, and spoiled the Broncos' attempt at Sucking For Luck. Oh yea, John Elway. You can't fool us. WE'RE ON TO YOU, ASSHOLE!

- This is no joke. Some wiseass went onto Tony Sparano's Wikipedia page last night and wrote some funny shit. The Wiki Gestapo has probably already changed it back but through the magic of screen grab, you can see it below for yourself. That's gold, Jerry. Gold.

- Wide receiver Marlon Moore flubbed the onside kick catch that gave the Broncos the ball back and allowed them to ultimately tie the game with seventeen second left in regulation. Marlon Moore is the 2011 Steve Bartman!

- Peter King reported last night that Tony Sparano had been fired after the game. But the report turned out to be untrue. That Tony Sparano is one sly fox!

- There are still some stubborn assholes out there refusing to jump on the Suck For Luck train. Zero for thirteen on third down conversions to start the game, our first touchdown in ten quarters (TEN! QUARTERS!), a 15-point lead erased in the final three minutes, GATOR DAY!. Every game watching this shitheap of a team is one long nut shot after another. How can people still embrace banality and mediocrity like this? I'm all for loyalty to the end, but I'm not down with being a zombie fan mindlessly cheering for what amounts to a sack of old lady diarrhea.

- More Suck For Luck: The Colts lost to the Saints 62-7, which puts them neck-and-neck with the Dolphins for the title of Shittiest Team In The World. Good God the Colts are atrocious. And for all the huff the media made this past week about Dolphins fans "wanting their team to tank," you don't think Indianapolis is in full Fuck It mode? Have you seen them play at all? They have Curtis Fucking Painter as their quarterback! You mean to tell me there's no other guy out there they can sign better than Curtis Painter? Look at him, he's a shrunken head for fucksake. 

We see what you're doing, Jim Irsay. WE'RE ON TO YOU, ASSHOLE!

- Waffledicks

Dolphins visit the New York Giants next Sunday. Kickoff is 1 p.m.

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