Dolphins Attempt Worst Onside Kick in History, Lose to Broncos

Just when you think the Miami Dolphins have embarrassed themselves in every possible fashion, they invent new and peculiar ways to make you face-palm. Following a late touchdown and subsequent two-point conversion to cut the Broncos' lead to 39-36, Dolphins kicker Caleb Sturgis lined up for an onside kick. Just then, the Nickelback of onside kicks was born.

Sturgis ran up to the ball all normal, but as he approached it, things took a turn for the worse, as he attempted what is called a "rabona" in soccer. Apparently "rabona" is Spanish for "totally unnecessary unsuccessful thing that looks cool," because the kick made the wettest of fart sounds directly into a Broncos player's bosom, ending the game.

Final score: 39-36. Dolphins lose. Dolphins so hard, Dolphins.

WHO EVEN DOES THAT?! The Dolphins do that, that's who. This is why we can't have nice things.

The game began in promising fashion, as the Dolphins took the ball on the opening drive right down the field for a touchdown. Tannehill looked for at least a half to be on the verge of besting future Hall of Fame QB Peyton Manning for the biggest win of his career, and the Dolphins actually led at one point in the third quarter 28-17.

Then the fourth quarter began, and so did the Broncos' dismantling of the Dolphins defense.

The Broncos would reel off 22 straight in the final period, and the Dolphins' offense shit the bed when it mattered most. Thus, the Miami Dolphins remain in forever Miami Dolphins Land, on pace for a totally average season if everything goes well and a 7-9 season if everything goes, well, Dolphins.

Next up for the Dolphins is a trip to the Meadowlands for a Monday-night football tilt with the New York Jets. Sorry, America.

The Dolphins play the Jets in New York December 1 at 8:30 p.m.

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