Did you really think Lindsay Lohan was going to do any hard time for breaking probation yet again? There's better chances of her staring in Freaky Friday II. Sadly, her short-lived incarceration will just hasten what seems more and more likely to be her ever-shortening life. The thing is, if you are a celebrity, you don't do any real time. Unless you're Plaxico Burress, that is. Here's a gaggle of celebrities who prove once again that justice ain't blind. It's like watching E!.
8. Lindsay Lohan
And we're not talking about this last time she was sporting an orange jumpsuit either. We mean back in 2007 when she served an even shorter stretch--84 minutes--as part of a plea deal for two DUIs. You mean almost an hour and a half wasn't enough time to scare her straight.
7. Nicole Richie
Outdid Lohan by two minutes. She only served 82 minutes of a 4 day sentence for driving under the influence of drugs. The then mom to be and now mom of two actually did standard time on this one.
6. Paris Hilton
The third in the troika of tarts that seem to know how to stroke the penal system to their maximum benefit managed to get out after three days on a three week sentence because of medial reasons. Since when is being a dumbass a medical emergency.
5. Chris Brown
Once a budding superstar compared to Michael Jackson, he turned into a head- butting asshole compared to Ike Turner when he put an ugly beating on famous girlfriend Rihanna. But what's a couple of left hooks when you can dance. He slapped up Rihanna pretty ugly but didn't even get what can be called a slap on the wrist, even after pleading guilty to a felony-- community labor and five year's probation.
4. DeShawn Stevenson
When this NBA baller was a rookie in 2001 he admitted to having sex with
a 14-year old. He pleaded guilty to statutory rape but only received
two year's probation, a $1,000 fine and 100 hours of community service.
(That's about what I got for stealing soda pop from a vending machine
when I was 13).
3. Donte Stallworth
The NFL wide receiver was legally drunk when he ran over and killed
59-year old Mario Reyes in his Bentley Coupe on the MacArthur Causeway
in March of last year. He got a 30-day sentence, community service. At
least he had to settle up with the Reyes family and got suspended from
the NFL for a year.
2. Vince Neil
Motley Crue's front man killed a passenger in his car and injured two
others while driving drunk in 1984. He served 20 days. The sentence,
which also included $2.5 million in restitution to victims, was so
pitiful that even Vince admitted it was "fucked up!" But at least he
learned his lesson right? Not exactly. He got pinched for drunk driving
again a couple of weeks ago, shortly after saying he hadn't used drugs
in 20 years and stopped drinking.
1. O.J. Simpson
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
We couldn't help it. We know the Juice got off. And we know he did
everything not to pay any money he owed from the civil suit. And we know
he's now serving most of the rest of his days for some other hair-brained heist. But he's still number one in our book. Here's to you