Dick Cheney to Appear at Miami Book Fair

Think literary events are for snobs? Such an assessment would make you an awful person, although this year's Miami International Book Fair did just get decidedly more dickish. Former vice president and current cowboy-hat enthusiast Dick Cheney's imminent appearance was announced yesterday in a news release, leaving mere days for us to anticipate arrival.

He'll roll in with his cardiologist, Dr. Jonathan Reiner, this Saturday. Together, they'll speak about Heart: An American Medical Odyssey. Their co-conversation will take place bright and early at 9 a.m. -- a time slot totally befitting a 72-year-old author and real-life version of Mr. Burns.

In what is perhaps one of the biggest ironies of past quarter-century, Dick Cheney has become a veritable expert on the human heart. The convicted war criminal had his inaugural heart attack in 1978 and four others before receiving a Medicare-funded heart transplant in 2012. He kept a letter of resignation in his White House desk in case he became incapacitated and needed to leave his post. Heart is "a sweeping, inspiring, and ultimately optimistic book that will give hope to the millions of Americans affected by heart disease," according to the press materials.

Lisa Palley, publicist for the book fair, tells us that the event will last an hour and that Cheney will field questions from the audience. He won't sign books, though. Anyone who purchases a copy of Heart will receive a presigned bookplate. Heaven forbid he interact with any members of the toiling masses; human cyborgs aren't entirely immune to germs, you know.

The free event will take place downtown in the Wolfson Campus auditorium at Miami Dade College. Hecklers will probably be removed promptly. Feel free to take that as a challenge, though. You could probably get in a couple of good Darth Vader jokes before they throw you out.

Send your story tips to the author, Allie Conti.

Follow Allie Conti on Twitter: @allie_conti

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