Dear Stephen A. Smith, We Have a Job for You

Word on the street, Stephen A., is that you're on your way out as a basketball analyst at ESPN, apparently so that you can pursue some kind of political talking head career. And while you weren't a favorite of ours--in fact, to be quite frank (ha ha), we muted the TV every time you spoke--we recognize that you did well in the ratings. We also appreciated your criticism of Isiah Thomas during his tenure in New York, even one time walking out of a Sportscenter taping in disgust while watching highlights of a Knicks loss to the Seattle Supersonics.

If you haven't noticed, your old nemesis Mr. Thompson has been given a second (or fourth, depending on how you calculate it) chance down here in the Magic City, and now that you're out of a job too, why not come work for us and recreate that old rivalry?

Forget CNN. Here's why we're a perfect fit for you:

1. We don't mind if you file stories from your Blackberry. We here at the New Times love technology. Go ahead and Twitter them in if you must.

2. Make all the typos you want. Yes, Fire Joe Morgan once (rightfully) hammered you for titling your website, "Welcome to the Official Stephen A. Smith Online Blog", pointing out that "online blog" is a bit of a redundancy, but we make tyhpooe's all the time. So fire away!

3. You can bring some credibility to our sports reportage. Between Gus Garcia-Roberts, Tim Elfrink, Kyle Munzenreider and myself, we have exactly three competitive victories in sanctioned athletic events, two of which were kickball matches.

4. Political reporting requires work. Read this week's feature story by Frank Alvarado, for instance. Man, there's a lot of numbers in there, and believe it or not, all of them have to be verified. What a drag! Do you really want to do all that work? Or continue to shout from the comfortable womb of sports, where old timey cliches top facts every time? Speaking of which...

5. You can be as loud and as obnoxious as you want.

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