Flotsam

Check Out Jimmy Buffett's Unfortunately Titled New Book

Do you really need more proof that Jimmy Buffett hates freedom, America, children, ice cream, baseball and pretty much everything else that is good in our world? 

Even after he wrenched out the soul of a proud football franchise in the name of selling more Corona ripoffs? 

After the even more disturbing revelations that he didn't even pay money to rename the Dolphin's home "LandShark Stadium"? (Seriously, read this Herald story. Buffett apparently isn't giving the team money, just "appearances, other marketing opportunities and potential concerts."  The Dolphins sold their dignity for a potential Jimmy Buffett concert. We'll just let that sink in for a moment.)

Well, if all that didn't turn you against Capt. Parrothead, just look at the cover of Buffett's new book, which was mailed to us here at Riptide Central last week, perhaps as a sick joke.

"Swine Not?" Clearly, we have located the source of Swine Flu. Someone contact the CDC immediately. Based on this cover, Jimmy Buffett has been cavorting with swines on a beach somewhere in Mexico and then spreading the disease to his fanatic followers worldwide.

Someone must stop this man! And in the meantime, stay away from Swine Flu Stadium if you know what's good for you.

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Tim Elfrink is a former investigative reporter and managing editor for Miami New Times. He has won the George Polk Award and was a finalist for the Goldsmith Prize for Investigative Reporting.
Contact: Tim Elfrink