4

Catch Dry Humping, Catholic School Skirts Tonight

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Kristina Wong experienced a first during her stay in Miami.

On a recent video blog, the cutting solo humorist in town from California sits slightly tipsy on a Miami Beach hotel bed at 3 a.m. and talks about her surprise upon seeing men openly give each other head in a parking lot. Later, she points out how Little Havana residents all have hair like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. Welcome to Miami! The New Times asked her a few questions hoping she could make us laugh some more.

Q: Aside from seeing men give each other head in a parking lot, have you experienced any other firsts in Miami?

A: My first Saturday here I went to a bar alone. I’ve not done this before, because it always seemed better to get drunk alone than let people watch you get drunk alone. It especially had seemed unappealing to do in a city I don’t know, because in some towns it can be code for me being “a lady of the night.”

Anyway, I got picked up by a trained pick up artist at the Skybar!...He was smooth and Korean American. Yay for an Asian man who can pick up a girl! Alex Kim, if you are reading this. CALL ME!

Q: In a few words, how would you describe Miami?

A: A lot of tolls, a lot of jammed meters, a lot of men shorter than me, and like 2 Asian people (including Alex Kim).

Q: What can people expect tonight?

A: Dry humping, Catholic school skirts, lots of well used profanity, and plenty of homeland suckurity to keep the place safe.

You can catch Wong at 8 p.m. tonight at the Colony Theater on Lincoln Road in Miami Beach. Tickets are $25 and available from Ticketmaster.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.