Catch Dry Humping, Catholic School Skirts Tonight

Kristina Wong experienced a first during her stay in Miami.

On a recent video blog, the cutting solo humorist in town from California sits slightly tipsy on a Miami Beach hotel bed at 3 a.m. and talks about her surprise upon seeing men openly give each other head in a parking lot. Later, she points out how Little Havana residents all have hair like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. Welcome to Miami! The New Times asked her a few questions hoping she could make us laugh some more.

Q: Aside from seeing men give each other head in a parking lot, have you experienced any other firsts in Miami?

A: My first Saturday here I went to a bar alone. I’ve not done this before, because it always seemed better to get drunk alone than let people watch you get drunk alone. It especially had seemed unappealing to do in a city I don’t know, because in some towns it can be code for me being “a lady of the night.”

Anyway, I got picked up by a trained pick up artist at the Skybar!...He was smooth and Korean American. Yay for an Asian man who can pick up a girl! Alex Kim, if you are reading this. CALL ME!

Q: In a few words, how would you describe Miami?

A: A lot of tolls, a lot of jammed meters, a lot of men shorter than me, and like 2 Asian people (including Alex Kim).

Q: What can people expect tonight?

A: Dry humping, Catholic school skirts, lots of well used profanity, and plenty of homeland suckurity to keep the place safe.

You can catch Wong at 8 p.m. tonight at the Colony Theater on Lincoln Road in Miami Beach. Tickets are $25 and available from Ticketmaster.

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Tovin Lapan