Castro: Ruling Cuba With an Electric Worm

Isn't everyone getting sick of reading about every fucking phone call and gift-giving session that takes place between Castro and Chavez? Last time I checked, picking up a phone is not a sign of stable health.

If Fidel really wants to strike fear into the hearts of the American Military Industrial complex, he should put on that Adidas jumpsuit and do a helicopter spin. Or maybe he should get Evo and Hugo over to his place, give them matching jumpsuits, and then break into a leftist rendition of the Electric Slide. How confidence-inspiring would that be?

The American market would come crashing to its knees. China would stop its silly slide towards democracy and start a whole new Cultural Revolution... most likely a Dance, Dance revolution.

Consider this a tip, Castro: drag a few pieces of cardboard into the Presidential basement, break out your old VHS tapes, and get crackin. Let's try and get some real news in the paper, okay? --Calvin Godfrey

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Frank Houston