Bill Parcells Has Left The Building

ESPN is reporting that Miami Dolphins football czar Bill Parcells has packed his bags and moved out of the Dolphins offices. The Dolphins, of course, knew that Parcells was on his way out. But it seems that no one anticipated it to be this soon. Because why would they? Reports out of Dolphins camp say that Parcells is still expected to finish the season with the organization. He'd just rather do it in his jammies, apparently.

Parcells' tenure with the Fins can best be described as, "meh." The Tuna came at the lowest point in franchise history, after the debacle that was the Cam Cameron shitsravaganza of 2007. Parcells brought Tony Sparano and Jeff Ireland with him from Dallas, signed Chad Pennington to be the starting quarterback, and the Dolphins promptly went 11-5 and won the AFC East in his first year.

The last couple of years have been a mixed bag, however. There's the epic fail that was the Pat White experiment, and reports had surfaced over the offseason that Parcells was disappointed in Chad Henne. We also saw Dolphins icon Jason Taylor sign with our bitterest rival. And then Parcells announced he was stepping down. Because that's what football geniuses do. They waste second-round picks, proclaim to the world that the franchise quarterback sucks and then they bail in the middle of a season.

Ironically, Parcells' time here will ultimately be measured by what kind of QB Henne eventually becomes. Parcells chose to draft Jake Long over quarterback Matt Ryan in 2008 when he had the first-overall pick. He then drafted Henne in the second round. He also drafted and signed a half dozen or so tight ends in his two and half seasons in Miami, apparently to build some sort of tight end Voltron that never materialized.

So let's recap. In his time with the Miami Dolphins, Bill Parcells drafted or signed a bunch of tight ends, allowed Jason Taylor to sign with the Jets, drafted an undersized quarterback who is now playing in the Kansas City Royals farm system, said the quarterback he drafted to be the franchise cornerstone was a disappointment, and rode around the Dolphins practice facility in a golf cart a lot. Now that's a football legacy if we ever saw one! Don Shula's legacy better watch itself, if it knows what's good for it.

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Chris Joseph