Up until now, the true dangers of bath salts were a bit hazy. The synthetic drug was blamed for everything from the Miami zombie to the guy in West Virginia who dressed in panties and slaughtered his neighbor's goat, but the science was much less certain. After all, face-eating killer Rudy Eugene's autopsy showed no signs of the drug.
Well, wonder no more. The U.S. Navy has answered all of your bath salts questions in a new PSA video, and it's worse than you feared. The drug will make you slug your date at a bowling alley, turn your friends into shrieking demons and -- dear God -- implant a nonstop dubstep soundtrack in your brain.
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That much Skrillex is enough to make anyone think about gnawing on someone's face. Amidst all the face-shifting and "bath salts overdosing," the Navy trots out a Lt. George Loeffler, a psychiatry resident who talks up the drug's dangers.
"When people are on bath salts, they're not themselves. They're angrier, they're erratic, they're violent, they're unpredictable," Loeffler says. "They'll start seeing things that aren't there, believing things that aren't true."
It's not clear where Loeffler is getting his research on bath salts effects (or really, how many sailors have ever even been caught trying the drug du jour.)
But Miami journalist Frank Owen decided to try bath salts for himself for a Playboy story that came out last month, and he had a decidedly different take on the drug.
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Here's how he describes being on bath salts:
"Colors became more vivid and music more distinct. It was as if I could reach out and caress the texture of the sound coming from the speakers. I felt energized yet strangely relaxed."
No demons? No dubstep? What the what, U.S. Navy?