Barack Obama Makes Mitt Romney His B*tch In Second Presidential Debate

For more than a year, Mitt Romney has jetted across the country, calling Barack Obama an utter failure. The president has done his fair share of name-calling too, but it wasn't until two weeks ago that he had a chance to stand up to his challenger in person. Instead of taking it to 'em, however, Obama curled up into a ball and received a beating on national TV.

Last night was the president's opportunity to peel the frozen steak off his face and step back into the ring. Not only did he come out swinging, but he connected like Manny mother****ing Pacquiao.

Here's your 10-second summary:
  • In the first debate, Obama was bad. Last night, he was bad ass
  • Mitt Romney didn't cagar la cama like Obama did last time, but the Republican came across as a cranky and bitter old man: more Ron Paul than Ronald Reagan
  • To our surprise, Candy Crowley is not a sugary snack handed out on Halloween but a CNN commentator. Not that it stopped her from getting eaten up by the candidates
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Michael E. Miller was a staff writer at Miami New Times for five years. His work for New Times won many national awards, including back-to-back-to-back Sigma Delta Chi medallions. He now covers local enterprise for the Washington Post.