Architects of Gay Marriage Ban Need Money to Defend Florida from Evils of Jon & Kate

Once apon a time, Jon & Kate Gosselin were folk heroes in the pro-life movement for refusing to selectively reduce a few embryos after Kate's in vitro fertilization resulted in six fertilized eggs. Instead, they chose to take their chances with having sextuplets, which they promptly exploited on national television for fame, fortune, and the right to wear tacky bangs. 

But now, if you can recall the news coverage in the pre-Michael Jackson-death cycle, they're getting divorced, and the folks at Florida's Family Policy Council do not care for this personal decision of a couple that does not even live in Florida. 

Nor will they stand for this Mark Sanford and John Ensign affair crap or some Today Show feature about how marriage is outdated. They will fight these evils of Jon & Kate and Mark Sanford, in order to protect Floridians from the dual horrors of skirt-chasing politicians and the unstable family life of fame whores. They will do it through emails to their supporters: 
"In just the past two weeks, we have seen marriage and adultery lead the headlines with Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina, and just one week earlier Nevada Sen. John Ensign. In addition to these sad examples of fallen men and now struggling wives and families, we see the marital problems of reality-TV's Jon & Kate Plus Eight (Jon and Kate Gosselin) and the Today Show last week featured an outrageous story on how 'marriage is an outdated institution.' Unbelievable! Everywhere we look, we can't get away from the fact that from without and within, 'marriage' is under fire!"

As you know, negative headlines directly affect the behavior of regular Americans, as evidenced by the recent spate of casual demerol overdoses. But how we can we help to stop the evils of publicity-hungry idiots' private lives from destroying the very foundation of this God-fearing state? 

"How can you help us turn this tide of devastation and hostility toward marriage? Donate now!"

Oh, of course. Money.

Florida's Family Policy Council, headed by John Stembeger, is the state chapter of James Dobson's Family Policy Council and is the lovely group that brought us last year's Amendment Two, which banned gay marriage and civil unions in Florida. 

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Kyle Munzenrieder