| Sports |

Anyone But This Guy

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Here’s a rumor that made the rounds over the weekend and simply refuses to die:

"People close to former Vikings coach Mike Tice insist he will be named the Dolphins' head coach next week..."

I’m all about trusting Bill Parcells with this team and letting him do his thing. But Mike Tice? Really? How is Mike Tice an upgrade over Cam Cameron? The guy walks around with a pencil in his ear. Only butchers and retards do that.

Tice’s lone claim to fame is scalping playoff tickets when he was head coach of the Vikings. He’s also a guy who was replaced by Brad Childress. How fucking terrible do you have to be that a team’s front office deems Brad Childress a better option at head coach than you? Why is he even being brought down here for an interview? Are Ireland and his staff a little too uptight and in need of some comedy relief? Bring in the Butcher for an interview so we can laugh at him when he leaves the room! That’ll lighten shit up around here! What ever happened to a good old-fashioned lap dance to ease the stress?

Seriously, there must be some bad shit in the water over in Davie. Some kind of super bacteria that makes a man look to hire a coach who is capable of completely fucking things up even worse than his predecessors did.

Christ. If Mike Tice is the guy we’re brining in to outwit Bill Belichick, then we’re fucked. Fucked in the face. That’s what we are. Fucked. In. The. Face.

Um, Bill, you do realize the Cowboys lost yesterday? Right?

Right? --Chris Joseph

For more on sports from Chris Joseph go to FinsNation.com.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.