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Anyone But This Guy

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Here’s a rumor that made the rounds over the weekend and simply refuses to die:

"People close to former Vikings coach Mike Tice insist he will be named the Dolphins' head coach next week..."

I’m all about trusting Bill Parcells with this team and letting him do his thing. But Mike Tice? Really? How is Mike Tice an upgrade over Cam Cameron? The guy walks around with a pencil in his ear. Only butchers and retards do that.

Tice’s lone claim to fame is scalping playoff tickets when he was head coach of the Vikings. He’s also a guy who was replaced by Brad Childress. How fucking terrible do you have to be that a team’s front office deems Brad Childress a better option at head coach than you? Why is he even being brought down here for an interview? Are Ireland and his staff a little too uptight and in need of some comedy relief? Bring in the Butcher for an interview so we can laugh at him when he leaves the room! That’ll lighten shit up around here! What ever happened to a good old-fashioned lap dance to ease the stress?

Seriously, there must be some bad shit in the water over in Davie. Some kind of super bacteria that makes a man look to hire a coach who is capable of completely fucking things up even worse than his predecessors did.

Christ. If Mike Tice is the guy we’re brining in to outwit Bill Belichick, then we’re fucked. Fucked in the face. That’s what we are. Fucked. In. The. Face.

Um, Bill, you do realize the Cowboys lost yesterday? Right?

Right? --Chris Joseph

For more on sports from Chris Joseph go to FinsNation.com.

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