Longform

Adios, Fidelito

Let's face it. Fidel Castro is either dead or headed that way. So, you wacky exiles, let's head for la isla, filch el comandante's body, and bring it home.

Here are Miami New Times's suggestions for the cadaver:

1. Use him in a campaign ad for the strong-mayor initiative. The slogan: "What Fidel did for Cuba, Carlos Alvarez can do for Miami."

2. Lay him out, cover him in plastic, and rent him for $2000 per hour as a beach chair at the Delano.

3. Drop him at Elián's relatives' house and call it an even swap.

4. Shoot a movie, Weekend at Fidel's, in which two Miami geeks discover the old man's body in a beach house and then set out on a bender including a blow-up Paris Hilton doll.

5. Prop him in the concourse at Dolphin Stadium for a Marlins game and see if attendance finally tops 10,000.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
New Times staff