A Christmas Story: Heat Beats Lakers 101-95

It's Christmas every day for Heat fans, but Wednesday was the day it was scheduled for everyone else, so we were kind enough to share. The Heat coasted all game long to a 101-95 Christmas Day victory over the L.A. Lakers.

Dwyane Wade led the way with 26 points, six rebounds, and seven assists; Bosh had 23 points and 11 rebounds; and LeBron scored 19 in the win.

Effort level was 76.8 percent all game long. The Heat has proven to know exactly where to set the shits-given level, so you just have to trust the guys at this point.

The Lakers have no one worth talking about -- not a single player you give a single shit about. The team is basically a bunch of Santa-less reindeers pooping and drooling all over the court. With a broken-shinned Santa on the Elf Shelf, the Lakers have resorted to relying on something called a "Swaggy P" to lead their offense. Jordan Farmar started at point guard for the Lakers, played 33 minutes, and scored three points.

See? I told you it's bad.

The Lakers are a thing that is bad. Thankfully, for us, this bad, terrible, naughty thing happens mostly when we are sleeping.

OK, everyone caught up on what happened box-score-wise yesterday? Good. Onto the highlights we go.

(Puts on 3-D glasses.)

You better watch out, better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why: LeBron James is coming to town -- that's why, STUPID!



Wait. You thought that was it? REMIX!

LeBron James' entire early-2000s sperm FTW. Chinese sneaker companies are already in line for these kids.

So yeah, LeBron dropped his jingle bells right on the Lakers' chin TWICE in a matter of minutes, entertaining all of America. You're welcome, America. You're welcome.

Next up on the come-all-up-in-your-house-and-ruin-your-entire-family's-holiday-tour are the Sacramento Kings.

Merry Christmas, Heat fans, today, not yesterday, because remember, every day is mother-bleeping Christmas. WE RICH, BITCH!

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