Welcome to the first annual WTF Florida Awards ceremony. It's the only award show celebrating the special brand of bizarre depravity we excel at down here in the Sunshine State. Black tie isn't required. In fact, jorts and a NASCAR cap are preferred.
Yesterday we gave out awards for political fuckery. Today, we'll be giving out awards for actual fuckery in our highly anticipated sex category.
Disgusting Achievement in Public Sex
Get a room you two. No seriously, get a room. The nominees:
- Jeremie Calo and Tiffani Lynn Barganier for having sex on an outdoor table at an Orlando Paddy Murphy's in view of children [source].
- Amber Mumma and Marcelo Gonzalez for having sex against a car in the parking lot of a Tampa pool hall while several people watched. [source]
- Matthew Rayfield and Diane Orosz for having sex in full view of boats passing by on the Intracoastal Waterway. [source]
And the winner is: Jeremie Calo and Tiffani Lynn Barganier
We imagine a place called Paddy Murphy's to be one of the least sexy places in existence, but that didn't stop these two from fornicating on top of a table in view of everyone, including children. The pair wouldn't even stop when a manager asked them to. To make matters worse, Calo ended up threatening to run out on his tab and vomited all over the floor.
Special Achievement in Masturbation
We all do it. Some of us just get more attention for it. The nominees:
- Tracy Mabb for getting naked and touching herself in the middle of an intersection [source]
- Ashley Holton for backing up traffic as she touched herself on the side of a highway [source]
- Jeffery Marriott for whacking in his front yard, and leaving an "unknown clear liquid substance" on his door knob when cops came. [source]
- Jennifer Piranian for masturbating at a Starbucks. [source]
- Unknown man who had to show a police officer his genital rash to prove he wasn't masturbating in public, but merely itching himself. [source]
And the winner is: Tracy Mabb.
Yes, it was the mugshot.
Adult Entertainer of the Year
Some porn stars are actually upstanding members of the community. Others, well ... The nominees:
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- Jessica and Monica Sexxxton, Tampa's Mother-Daughter Porn Duo [source]
- Sara Jay and Angelina Castro for promising blow jobs to all if the Miami Heat won the NBA Championship [source]
- Dallas Reeves for allegedly helping a Speedo-clad friend do a little cocaine on a Wilton Manors gay pride parade float. [source
- Sebastian Young for racking up his 13th Florida mugshot [very NSFW source]
- Sunny Dae for getting 40 years in prison after assisting in the murder of a man at a New Port Richey sex party. [source]
And the winner is: Sara Jay and Angelina Castro
Sure, the blowjob marathon they promised never actually happened, probably because the received the threat of legal action from the NBA, but kudos to these two for drumming up all the crazy publicity.